The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Christian Bale

© Warner Bros Pictures

I've already written 1000 words on this picture, so I don't think I have it in me to craft anything resembling a complete essay with a narrative though-line. I do, however, have a lot more thoughts and reactions to the movie as a whole, which will now take the form of bullet points. This probably goes without saying but, just in case it doesn't, SPOILERS.

• I must be the only person alive who loves Hans Zimmer's score. I love the tribal beat of Bane's theme and the way it goes crashing up against Batman's bombastic horns. I love the sneaky switcheroo when you realize that Bane's theme is like Bane himself -- not at all who you (or even he) thought but something entirely different. Above all, I love that when Bane and Batman come head to head for the first time, there is no score whatsoever. Just bone crunching and breathless anticipation in one of the most knock-down, drag-out fights I have ever seen on screen.
  
• My best friend's already made remarks to the extent that she is over Christian Bale, but I think he's my mafia: just when I think I'm out, he pulls me back in. It's not just the streaks of grey hair, the hollows under his eyes, or the fact that he is visibly thinner and more fragile than previous incarnations that break my heart to realize that he may have "aged-out" of the role he defined for himself. It's the way his voice softens when he's speaking with Alfred about Rachel. There's not only sorrow in that voice but innocence, like Alfred is a time machine that brings Bruce back to a moment when he was truly himself. It's the way you can tell, even at first blush, that there's no way Bruce/Batman could ever be more interested in Miranda Tate (though Marion Cotillard has never been more luminous) than he is in the Cat/Selina Kyle. It's not just the challenge that thrills him but the possibility of finding a single human being who may also understand.
  
• Speaking of Anne Hathaway, could she be any more killer in this movie? Sure, her first scene with Bruce when she flips from ingenue to seductress to criminal and right on out that window is gangbusters, but so is the moment in that scene when she hikes her skirt from just under her knee to just over her knee so she can climb (no one would wear those tights or the shoes to cater a party). Her dancing body can go from purring to ready to pounce in nanoseconds, but it's never campy. Above all, she gets to go through Harvey Dent's arc in reverse -- from apathetic to finally having some skin in the game. It was never really a matter of which side she would chose. It was just a question of how long it would take her to get there.
  
• If it weren't for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I think I would have fainted right out of my seat when Blake told Bruce he knew Bruce's secret identity 'cause he was also Batman (essentially). Mind you, it highlights the essential difference between them and further makes my point that you have to be a fuckin' weirdo to not become a cop or a prosecutor or the world's most dedicated lobbyist, but it also really smartly sets up the whole structures becoming shackles stuff and the way the movie lets you imagine that Blake just knew Bruce would leave him a little something special in his will. Of course, what I would really like to see is the "Becoming Batman" journal that would go along with it, full of handy tips like Lucius Fox's direct line, the best way to appear out of a shadow, and a guide to better growling.
  
• Actually, I'm also probably the only person who doesn't hate the Batman growl. On PCHH Glen Weldon posited that the movies could be a solid 10% better if it weren't for that growl, but whatever. He's got to disguise his voice somehow. Maybe he should have sunk some money into those Mission: Impossible voice patches.
  
• For that matter, I don't mind Tom Hardy's lilting based-on-an-Irish-Romani-'cause-he's-that-guy voice either. It took me right out of the movie the first time, I started to groove on it the second go 'round. It's just on border of being too silly, but, when you introduce a voice like that and follow it up with an impossibly menacing* hostile plane takeover, you start to see the character behind it. You see it in Bane's strut. You hear it in lines like, "What a lovely, lovely voice," followed immediately by mass murder and destruction. In fact, when you hear his voice for the first time, it's overwhelming loud - not just coming from behind you but in front of you and below you and in the seat next to you. Unnerving. 
  
• I don't really get Talia's point -- she hates her dad for disowning her protector but decided to follow through on his plan to destroy Gotham because his murder liberated her from her hate? That's pretty much what she said, I know, but I just don't understand. Why not enjoy the freedom to make your own decisions or reform the League of Shadows or use philanthropy to save the world like you've been pretending to anyway?
  
• To the nit-pickers who want to know how Bruce gets from the unspecified prison location and back to a secured Gotham in an unspecified amount of time, I say, "Did you not watch Batman Begins?" He spent seven years figuring out how to get from A to B without any money or notice. I'm sure he had it in the bag.
  
• How weird is it to see Batman in the daylight, though, right? It's a testament to both how broken the city is yet how accustomed they are to his presence that there are no double takes during that climactic showdown at City Hall. Gotham's just like Bruce in that regard -- they take Batman for granted.
  
• The song/video that inspired my article title.
  
  
  
  
• Besides the above, I think this is my favourite image that I came across in my research:
  

  

  Christopher Nolan

  © Warner Bros Pictures

A touch too long and a touch too reliant on Michael Caine's moist eyes to carry the emotional beats, but otherwise a near masterpiece. A-

 *I was going to say "badass" here but decided against it in part because I think the term is overused, in part because I don't want to associate any positive connotations of the term with the character, and in part because I heard a very convincing argument against the very character of Bane (in that he is a less product of storytelling needs and more of a need in the 80s and 90s for more "badasses" in comics).

Thor (2011)

© Paramount Pictures

I was more confused than excited when it was announced that Kenneth Branagh would be directing Thor. The fact that he didn't cast himself in it was a positive sign, but the trailer and tv spots made the movie look more dull than anything else. Though it's not a top shelf Marvel adaptation (not as sprightly as Iron Man or as deliciously weird and weighty as Spider-Man 2), the movie's pretty good. Don't bother with the 3D, though; at one point I asked my viewing companion if anything was even in 3D. Maybe Mjölnir came at us at some point?

What took me by surprise was how much I like Thor, the character. Here's the thing about the god of war: he's remarkably angst-free. Sure, some stuff gets him down, but he bounces back awfully quickly. He's not a orphan, nothing tragic happens to give him his abilities or drive, he wastes no time in adapting to Earth, and, when he likes a girl, he just goes ahead and lets her know. None of this "can't be with you in order to protect you" malarkey. He learns a few necessary lessons, and it's all derry-doing from there on out. He's practically Errol Flynn, if Errol Flynn were a giant war-mongering Labrador retriever. Depending on who you read, Chris Hemsworth is either serviceable or turning in a star-making performance. I was going to tell you to split the difference to find something closer to the truth, but, given how much I like the role, a good part of that must be down to Hemsworth (or as I initially typed, "The Hemsworth"). I should just admit that I love that big slab of beefcake. Seriously, though, he is huge.

Juxtaposing him with teeny Natalie Portman makes for an effective sight gag, but it's the lovely way that serious scientist Jane Foster comes undone by the courtly colossus that really makes the relationship (and the movie) tick. Stellan Skarsgård is equally up for some good old fashioned Norse fun, and I bet he had plenty of Viking advice to pass on the Hemsworth, given that he is the father of one. The vision of Asagard as a 1930s golden wonderland presided over by Anthony Hopkins is just icing. 

Though it could do with a little more substance, it's a decent first outing and an excellent addition to the rapidly expanding Marvel movie universe. B

The Adjustment Bureau (2011) and Never Let Me Go (2010)

© Universal Pictures

When David Norris (Matt Damon)'s Senate campaign goes belly up because he mooned his frat brothers at a college reunion, it's hard to believe that the State of New York would be so deeply offended. It's not exactly like they have the best taste in morally upright politicians. Still, Damon sells the crushing knowledge that the election is over long before the media calls it, so, when he meets cute with Elise (Emily Blunt) in the men's room before he gives his concession speech, it's not hard to believe that he would get this buzzed from something positive happening in his life.

The movie lives or dies by this meeting. Either you buy that these two attractive people, high on the unlikeliness of the situation, pheromones, and maybe something more, would get this intimate with each other this quickly, or you don't. Fortunately Damon and Blunt's chemistry is palpable, so it's easy to buy.

The next bridge this movie has to sell you is its premise of a group of nattily attired men who make "adjustments" that help guide people toward their destinies. Since one is Anthony Mackie and one is John Slattery, it's not so bad. When David accidentally sees too much, they level with him but caution him to carry their secret to his grave and to stay away from Elise. The former proves a lot easier than the latter.

Again, this isn't so hard to believe or follow, but longer it goes on, the more ridiculousness writer-director George Nolfi has to pile on, and the further away the movie strays from credulity. Suddenly David's a fool for love and Mackie's a Magical Negro and Elise is a damsel in distress. All of this could be tolerated if not for the complete cop out that is the ending. Associate Producer Eric Kripke, I'm looking at you.

The cop out put me in mind of last year's Never Let Me Go, which featured a similarly doomed couple kept apart by forces beyond their control. For the most part, those "forces" are Ruth (Keira Knightley), though there's a lot stacked against Kathy (Carey Mulligan) and Tommy (Andrew Garfield). Mostly that they are (SPOILER) clones grown for their vital organs.

© Fox Searchlight

Though director Mark Romanek's yellow tinted lens does it best to draw you into the hazy half lives of our protagonists, it's difficult -- especially after the fact -- not to ask basic questions like, "Why don't they just run away?" Maybe that idea is better addressed in the novel, but there's no reason here why they accept their fate.

The prevailing air of fatalism doesn't stop the movie from being affective nonetheless, particularly early on when the school received a "bumper crop" (that's a punch to the gut) and later when Kathy and Tommy finally, finally, finally get out from under Ruth's thumb. Her reason why is so obvious that when she says it, "durr" seems the appropriate response, but the spark of hope it lights in the others carries over to the audience. The ending's not quite as crushing as it should be, but it's close and certainly a blueprint for what Nolfi et al. should have done. The Adjustment Bureau, B; Never Let Me Go, B+.

In other news:

• The Adjustment Bureau did make me think about how people always say that Slattery gets all the best lines on Mad Men and how it's not fair, but c'mon. His delivery is the best in the business. He makes "son of a bitch" a laugh line.
• Never Let Me Go: the song of the title, if you're interested.

Pop Culture Round-Up: January 29 - February 11, 2011

Tyranny of the Alphabet - By Timothy Noah - Slate Magazine
You might be like, "Huh?" but, as a Y, let me tell you that I read this entire thing nodding and going, "This is SO TRUE." Also very disappointing for five year-old me to learn that you never get over it even if you change your name since as I child I truly thought that marrying someone whose name came higher up (look, even that!) in the alphabet was my ticket to happiness. 

A Golden Age of Foreign Films, Mostly Unseen - NYTimes.com
Aw, I see them! Also, Carlos is really long. Less so when you realize that it was originally a two-parter, but still.

Narcissus Regards a Book - The Chronicle Review - The Chronicle of Higher Education
Hmm, I don't actually remember why I wanted to read this, so it will be surprise to all of us.

The Tyee – Frugging Lycanthropes! - The Sadies make the great Canadian music video.
How could dancing werewolves not be a good thing?

Separating Fact From Film - WSJ.com
It's time for Black Swan backlash, no?

CBC News - Books - Canada Reads names 2011 winner
It is sadly not there any longer, but this article was originally published with the subhead (and I am not making this up): SPOILER ALERT: Prize winner revealed below. I'm spoiler-averse, but are things so off-kilter that articles clearly announcing winners need spoiler alerts? WARNING: This article contains news!

‘Black Swan’ Deconstructed, Film’s Many Faces - NYTimes.com
And there it is. Odd, because even as I was watching it I thought an apropos subtitle would be "Nina's failure to orgasm," but I didn't make the link, "And also sexism."

FFWD - Calgary Screen - Film Features - Romantic movies for the fellas
Or the Aprils. 

FFWD - Calgary Screen - Film Features - Rom-com romp
I haven't seen four out of five, so let's talk about numero cinq. Lars and the Real Girl should totally make you barf. It's cute enough while you are watching it but not cute enough to stop you from thinking that what Lars is doing isn't radical therapy. His "solution" to ending his surrogate relationship -- so that he can have a real one -- is to kill his girlfriend. That's not going to help him having happy, functioning relationships in the future. His prospective human girlfriend should run for the hills.

'Twilight' Writer Melissa Rosenberg Takes Over Summit's 'Highlander' Script (Exclusive) - Heat Vision
As my best friend put it when she sent this link to me, "Best. News. Ever." But how can anyone improve on the Kurgan? 

1968-75: How 'X-Rated' Became Synonymous With 'Porn' - James Fallows - Culture - The Atlantic
X-rated is so overrated.

"I jest, I jive!"

Yet another petty grievance with IMDb's redesign: instead of showing you the quote that contains the keyword for which you have searched, you only get the matching titles. Then you have to go dig the quote out yourself. From hundreds of returns. Like that's useful. No one does a search to make their lives more complicated. Eff, that is stupid.

Not what we're here to talk about though. Two things: 1) check out my latest Culture article, "The January Movie," in which I set out the find the best of the traditionally terrible movies that come out this month. 2) This here blog is seven (7!) today. While the number of posts have been on a steady decline over the years, in part because recapping tv shows over on Culture's blog is pretty dang time consuming, and it would be narcissistic and not terribly accurate to say that my writing has improved, I can say that I'm still going to see way more movies than someone who isn't getting paid to should and that I'm still writing about them. I can say that. If you've been sticking with me regardless of where I pop up, thank you.

Now I'm off to buy bloggy something made out of wood or copper or a desk set. A wood and copper desk set?

The Social Network (2010) and The King's Speech (2010)

© The Weinstein Company

There's talk in some parts that The Social Network's triumph over The King's Speech at the Golden Globes is some kind of referendum on the middlebrow melodrama. When I first started cooking up The Underrated List, "middlebrow melodrama" was my initial M. While I wouldn't go back and change my entry now, they -- specifically historical* ones -- hold a special place in my movie going heart.

That said, The Social Network is a better movie than The King's Speech. It's already gone through two backlashes (1. that it's not factual, which I addressed here; 2. that it's sexist, which I would argue is true of the characters but not the filmmakers) and continued apace, surely a noteworthy fact. But the thing that really sets The Social Network apart from The King's Speech is every element is brilliant.

It seems kind of unnecessary at this point to sing the praises of the movie, given the acclaim it's received since its October 1 release, but I'm going to anyway. Most of it should go to Jesse Eisenberg, who I had previously written off as Michael Cera-lite. Confidential to Jesse: I couldn't have been more wrong. I had no idea that you had the depth of character or the talent to play a sympathetic asshole. In your care, Mark Zuckerberg is borderline autistic in his inability to foresee the impact he has on those closest to him, but he's also a ruthless genius who's deeply, deeply sad. And, thanks to Aaron Sorkin, quite quippy.

© Columbia Pictures

Of course, it helps that he's drowning in talent, whether it's Andrew Garfield's Eduardo Saverin (the closest the movie comes to having a moral centre, he's presented as more short-sighted than anything else), Armie Hammer (whose ability to come play the the physically-imposing twins as separate and distinct is a sight to be cherished), and Justin Timberlake's Sean Parker. Up until I saw this movie, I had no real interest in JT, especially as an actor, but now . . . let me quote: "early Facebook President Sean Parker, devastatingly portrayed by Justin Timberlake as a narcissistic clown." That is so true!

Again, though the combination of noted internet hater Aaron Sorkin + David Fincher + Facebook sounds like a recipe for disaster, it's anything but. Fincher's dark Harvard hallways add verve to Sorkin's trademark snappy dialogue, and Trent Reznor's buzzy score elevates the movie to a place that feels raw and modern, edgy in the season of being on the edge of something. Bracing, even. I was going to say that Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter's editing is the only stuff that could give Inception a run for its money come Oscar time, but, since Inception wasn't even nominated (wtf?!), I guess I'll just keep that to myself.

So why does all that make The Social Network better than The King's Speech? Because TKS, for all it's fantastic performances, is nothing more than that: a collection of fantastic performances. Certainly, if Colin Firth doesn't win every award ever I am going to throw a fit, but after that . . . there's nothing spectacular about Tom Hooper's direction or David Seidler's script and, the less said about Alexandre Desplat's score, the better. The Social Network, A; The King's Speech, B+.

*Confession: As I just learned what period piece means last week, I intentionally did not use it here. Turns out that term is reserved for pieces that were written during the period in which they are set. Did you realize that? I thought it was just an alliterative way to call something historical.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

I put nearly every thought I ever had about the story on the table in Book vs. Film: Eclipse, so I've decided not to go for anything in the way of a review here but just collect my stray observations instead.

Stray observations:

• Xavier Samuel as Riley might be the hottest vampire we've seen in the series. It's not that the others couldn't be hot (the actors underneath are); it's just that the movies seem committed to styling them in the least attractive way possible.
  
  
• He's also quite charismatic! Too bad Riley's a one book wonder.
  
  
• Remind me again why they replaced Rachelle Lefevre with Bryce Dallas Howard? I was previously under the impression that Howard had at least some acting ability. Does she just not get the character? Whatever, she's dead now (Victoria, that is).
  
  
• Oh, sweet fancy Moses, some one save me from all these close ups. I can't imagine what that was like in IMAX. OME! girls must have been thrilled.
  
  
• Intentional jokes! Billy Banks! Two great tastes that taste great together.
  
  
• What is with Von Pattinson's sideburns? Were they always this out of control?
  
  
• His eyelashes, on the other hand, are fabulous. I want that mascara.
  
  
• I've forgotten her name and IMDb doesn't list it, but the wigmaster is this movie's MVP. Bella's hair looks so lush and shiny!
  
  
• Has Nikki Reed lost 20 pounds or so? Not that I thought that she needed to lose the weight (because she didn't), but she looks decidedly thinner, particularly in the face, this time around. She looks good either way, just something I noticed.
  
  
• I think Kristen Stewart might have been a little worse this time around. I did not think she was all that concerned with Jacob going off to die. If Von Pattinson's default setting is "pained," then her's is "forgot how to breathe." I sort of think I like her as an actress, though, so I hope she pulls it together.
  
  
• Taylor Lautner's a sweet kid, but things I would not put him in charge of include wishing people were dead, threatening people with suicide, and use of the word "bro" (c.f. Humphrey, Dan).
  
  
• Man alive is Julia Jones (Leah) beautiful when she's not so angry. Which is exactly how Stephenie Meyer described her. Casting coup!
  
  
• Why are these olde tyme vampires so ugly?
  
  
• Em pointed out that Jackson Rathbone appears to be playing Nicholas Cage in Con Air and to a certain extent that's true, but there were also moments when genuine emotion broke through instead of ham mixed up with the accent, which makes me kind of sad for him over all. Also, why does he have different hair every time? And why are his contacts the exact same colour as his hair? He looks extra freaky!
  
  
• While I appreciated the attention to detail of giving the Cullens dark contacts at certain points in the movie to show that they need to hunt (and I'm pretty sure that these lined up with the novel), did anyone else find their golden eyes freaky this time around? Actually, you'd think that would be something the other students would gossip about: how come everyone in this adopted family has the exact same (non-human?) eye colour? You'd think some Cullens would wear contacts to blend in/mix it up.
  
  
• I bet Justin Chon's glad he showed up for his one line.
  
  
• When Carlisle and Billy shook hands, I was reminded of the time I was talking about Twilight the Movie with a co-worker, and she said that she thought that the adults' performances were better than the teens'. I started to say something like, "Well, of course, they're all better actors," but I ended up just confessing that I would totally watch a spin-off show about the dads. Picture it! Dr. Acula, Sheriff Swan, and wheelchair-bound Quileute Chief Billy Black? Admit it, that sounds totally cool.
  
  
• Re: the tent scene. Everyone was thinking, "Kiss! Kiss!" right? What is with these movies and how easy they make it to root for non-Bella and Edward coupling?
  
  
• I like how they left in imprinting but cut out the precedent-setting Quil-imprints-on-a-two-year-old stuff. Probably for the best.
  
  
• Or how pretty much everyone but Jacob imprints.
  
  
• Or how Edward likes to invade their wolf-base hive mind.
  
  
• Which later bites him in the ass when they all feel the pain of Jacob's attack.
  
  
• Ha.
  
  
• The Cullens wear matching outfits in the scene where they first try to catch Victoria. Oh goodness. Way to emphasize the fact that they are a cult.
  
  
• Seriously, what was the point of hiring Howard Shore? I'm not a huge Shore fan, but he's definitely done some cool stuff while working with David Cronenberg. They really need to get Carter Burwell back.
  
  
• I wasn't even much of a fan of Bella's lullaby, but now I kind of miss it. It's one of the two repeated elements in the books that pretty much doesn't exist in the movie (Edward's favouring of blue on Bella is the other).
  
  
• The soundtrack's a little better than New Moon but still not as rad as Twilight.
  
  
• How come no more Von Pattinson on either, come to think of it?
  
  
• I like how Seattle's vampire army wears a lot of flannel.
  
  
• Actually, there's a lot of plaid in this movie. What's with Bella and plaid?
  
  
• Dakota Fanning is good as Jane, but I miss Aro. Michael Sheen rocks.
  
  
• When the Cullens were just standing around waiting for the newborn army (seriously, they just stand there, I believe in matching outfits again), I wondered why they can't get poor Emmett a jacket that fits.
  
  
• Von Pattinson's chest hair is still in place. Check that chest hair on Peter Facinelli! And one of the other ones (Jackson Rathbone, I think)! The Cullen men are working it.
  
  
• Edward's graduation party outfit struck me as perfect. Actually, it was really only Alice who looked oddly dressed at that party, which is the exact opposite of how Alice should look.
  
  
• I sometimes forget that Edward, and all the vampires really, should look freaky and non-human in comparison to the rest of the cast, but I saw it here a few times in a good, not obviously undead way.
  
  
• I hate narration, so I'm glad they barely used, but it's even more distracting when used so sporadically. It sounds like something you keep forgetting to do and then suddenly throw in to say, "Oh, yeah! Narration!"
  

That's all I can think of right now, but I reserve the right to add more observations as they come back to me. Massive improvement over New Moon. Probably the best in the series. B

And if you're in need: A Guide to Recognizing Your Vampires

The Last Airbender (2010)

Hey, have you watched Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Nickelodeon cartoon series on which this movie is based? No? Me neither. Apparently that's a crying shame, but let me tell you something: maybe that shouldn't be the main criteria critics should use to judge the film.

Perhaps that's an odd sentiment coming from a purveyor of Book vs. Films, and I know I've hated on movies before because of how poorly I felt they represented the source material. I've also thought that I would have liked certain movies on their own merits if I hadn't already experienced the source.

In essence, I think that's what happened here. The story, at the very least, is cool: the earth is divided into eight kingdoms, north and south for each of the four elements: air, water, earth, and fire. Within these kingdoms, there are people who can "bend" or control their element (kind of like those kids on Captain Planet, only without the goofy heart stuff). To each generation an Avatar is born: a child who can bend all the elements and maintains the balance between the kingdoms and between the Earth and the spirit world.

About 100 years ago, the Avatar went missing, and the Fire people took over the planet, forcing benders into prison camps. The world's lived in topsy-turvy chaos ever since. Until now, that is, when a Southern Water Kingdom hunter (Jackson Rathbone) and his undisciplined bender sister (Nicola Peltz) find Aang (Noah Ringer)/the Avatar trapped in a bubble/suspended animation. When Aang realizes what happened when he shirked his duties, he sets out to complete his training and bring order back to the world.

Alright, so maybe I wouldn't have let writer/director/producer M. Night Shyamalan write his own adaptation. We don't need Dev Patel (with a credible American accent) to repeat his motivation every single time he's on screen. I promise to remember who he is. And maybe I would have looked a little harder before settling on Ringer for Aang. I know quality child actors are hard to come by, but this kid didn't bring it as the role requires.

All that said, I do think the movie looked cool (I gave up on 3D a few movies back, and I doubt this one is worth the extra money given that it was added after the fact), and I may have gotten a little misty eyed during the montages of the Earth people liberating themselves from their Fire overlords because apparently team work gets me right here. So what if it doesn't live up to the cartoon? It's good summer fun, and I'd much rather see it again than or The A-Team or Clash of the Titans. Isn't that enough? C+

I am going to have to watch the cartoon, though. There's no way this movie is going to do well enough at the box office to develop into a trilogy.

It's Complicated, Sherlock Holmes, Before Sunset, The Book of Eli: Movies on a Plane

On one hand, selecting your own movie from a fairly well stocked list makes plane travel that much more enjoyable. On the other hand, that teeny screen six inches from your face changes your perspective, doesn't it?

It's Complicated (2009)

I don't ever think I've seen Meryl Streep this sexy before. She's certainly having the time of her life (to be honest, she seems to be having the time of her life all the time lately. It's great to be Meryl Streep these days), and Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are right there with her for the most part. Too bad the movie is endlessly distracting with it's "oh, look at the problems of these affluent white people" attitude. I mean, that's all Nancy Meyers movies, but I am telling you it stands out more starkly this time around. You've "earned" a reno to make your massive, gorgeous house even more massive and gorgeous? Seriously, every one's like, "I'm so happy you're getting the reno you've always wanted," and, while I get that a perfect kitchen is the great white whale for a chef or baker, could we cool it with the cooing for a minute? Wouldn't it be hilarious if Meyers were to one day find out that people who work at say, NGOs, never make all that much money? She should write a romantic comedy about them. They need love, too. B-

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

A RE-view! We haven't had one of those in forever. It mostly held up the way I remembered it, but I did find it even more slow moving this time around. How long does it take to get to the plot? Also, I'm not sure how I feel about using the same tricks twice in the one movie (both Holmes planning out an attack in slow-mo, then we see it in real time, and when he pulls off some feat, and we go back to see how he got there). Still, the slow pace gave me more time to appreciate Hans Zimmer's score and the dinner at the Royale. I love that Law is styled after Tsar Nicholas II in that scene. B

Before Sunset (2004)

I can hardly believe that the movie keeps affecting me the same way, but it does: such exquisite agony. By now I know the rhythms and what conversations to expect, and it works for the film. I find myself nearly breathless in anticipation for Jesse to tell Celine he was there or for her to reveal that she thinks all her relationships since have paled in comparison to their one night. And then, there they are in her apartment, one waltz later and Nina Simone on the soundtrack. He is going to miss his plane. It's been six years. Is that enough time to start work on a sequel? A+

The Book of Eli (2010)

It's tough to say because I didn't finish this one, but I'm going to say it anyway: there is a zero percent chance that God wants to you to cross the country killing people when they threaten you but stand by while others are attacked, Eli. Thanks for coming out.

And since we're here, check out my Canadian Cinema Canon on The Trotsky.

Pop Culture Round Up: April 24 - 30

Have the stars lost their shine?

Popularity of 3-D is affecting how screenplays are written

Gossip Girl Doing Its Part to Bring Chest Hair Back

• Yes, yes it is. It and Robert Pattinson.
  

'Twilight: Breaking Dawn' taps Oscar winner Bill Condon as director

• Is it now a musical?
  

Lock up your daughters

Robin Hood shoot amazing: Great Big Sea singer

Blyth Festival Company List

• Whoo! Go, Nathan!
  

Kinnear, Holmes cast for Kennedy miniseries

Out of mind, out of sight: Blinking eyes indicate mind wandering

Judge Diane P. Wood, oboist, potential Supreme Court justice

"If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us, it's that life will not be contained."

Just like life and twice as large, Clancy Mother*uckin' Brown's performance in Highlander will not be contained, which is why it's the subject of my latest Culture article.

While you're there, don't forget to check out the Culture blog, which has replaced TV Thursdays (remember those?) in that I now recap half a dozen shows (including the currently airing Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries, and Supernatural) in addition to whatever else I get around to blogging about. Try it; you'll like it.

The Short Take: Neglect 2009 - Part IV

Turns out it will soon be time to move to the couch. It is not yet time.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Went to see this movie out of movie-related boredom. Said everything I need to say about it here. D

District 9 (2009)

This is one of those movies I wish hadn't fallen through the cracks of my massive lack of reviewing because it was one of the best movies of 2009. It's powerful, well-acted, and completely different from what you thought it was: ballsy, political conscious, and graphically violent. A smart movie with the power to surprise? That is something. A-

Whip It (2009)

I always want to put an exclamation point at the end of the title, and that's pretty much the review right there. The movie is never more than its girl-power tagline, "Be Your Own Hero," but, as girl-power movies go, that's a pretty good thing to be. Drew Barrymore makes for an assured presence behind the camera. Now if someone could just explain to me what the legal difference is between 18 and 21 in Texas inasmuch as you apparently can't legally consent to participate in roller derby until you are 21, that would be great. Because I'm pretty sure you're a legal adult at 18, so one of the movie's big conflicts sort of deflated for that reason. But, you know, otherwise cute and you go, girl and all that. B

The Hangover (2009)

I was so sure I had already reviewed this one, but, since it's one of the most popular movies this year, I'm pretty sure you've already seen it. You don't need me to tell you that it's funny (particularly Mike Tyson and a discussion about renaming roofies), but not the funniest shit ever warranting a sequel and, like, a girl version and whatever the crap else. It's sort of an one-note thing to begin with, okay? B-

(500) Days of Summer (2009)

Sadly, I told someone I had already reviewed this movie. That turned out not to be true. Sorry, Ames! I mentioned this exact scenario to my best friend, and she asked, "What would you say about it?" Well, I would say that it is inventive, particularly the two Ikea set pieces, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's dance number, and the reality divorcing from expectations. I would also say that it wears its devotion to The Catcher in the Rye a little too on its sleeve, that Tom (Gordon-Levitt) is a dough head, and that I would call Summer (Zooey Deschanel) a bitch, but that last remark wouldn't be fair. The movie prevents you from ever getting to know her in any meaningful way, so it's not right to blame Summer for that. Insight ultimately squandered on characters unworthy of it. B

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

I had to go see this movie as part of a bargain, and the other person turned to me when it was over to apologize. Seriously. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, are you hurting for money? Come over, and I will make you a sandwich next time. We'll figure something out. Bring Christopher Eccelston with you. D-

Now it's time to move to the couch.

The Short Take: Neglect 2009 - Part III

Dinner = eaten. Saved by the Bell = watched.

The Men Who Stare at Goats (2009)

The movie is overall too shaggy to amount to much, though it does deliver excellent doses of George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Stephen Root, Stephen Lang, Robert Patrick, Glenn Morshower*, and Kevin Spacey. Yes, Ewan McGregor also in this movie, but his whole point is react like Clooney is kind of bananas and eventually sort of fall in love with him, i.e. to be the audience. It's not exactly demanding. But Clooney dancing or Spacey inducing a terrible trip? That's good stuff. B

*Has he graduated from Hey! It's That Guy! College? I see him in stuff all the time now.

2012 (2009)

2012 is a) bloated, b) so boring that I went to the bathroom for something to do, and c) ridiculous. I sort of love how cheesy it is. It hits absolutely every trope you could possibly think of and then floods them. People have a right to fight for their survival, Chiwetel Ejiofor? Against a worldwide deluge? Okay, we'll get right on that. I mean, John Cusack's son's name is Noah, for pity's sake. D

Gamer (2009)

Cool trailer, endlessly gross and terrible movie. Doesn't even have the good sense to let the bottom fall out and embrace how truly terrible it is. Michael C. Hall sure seemed to be having fun, though. D

Moon (2009)

It's funny that someone didn't think to multiply Sam Rockwell or make Kevin Spacey a disembodied voice sooner. Those are both exactly the right choices to make. It's not a perfect movie, but it's haunting and beautiful and occasionally very funny. It bodes well for Duncan Jones' career. B+

9 (2009)

A very cool looking movie that isn't that exciting to watch. Shane Acker expanded it from his award-winning short, but the story almost seems better suited to a graphic novel than a feature film. Both the philosophic arguments and pulse-pounding chases that make up the movie make for amusing diversions, but it culminates in a rickety finish. B

The Time Traveller's Wife (2009)

Read my Book vs. Film. Better yet, read the book.

The Soloist (2009)

I never thought of Robert Downey Jr. as an actor in need of direction, and I'm not entirely convinced that that's the problem here. His character is ill-defined, but I doubt we should lay that at the feet of Downey exclusively. I'd sooner say that the problem is director Joe Wright, specifically the relationship between Wright and the material. He also made the lush, passionate, tragic Atonement, so it's not like he can't direct. But he doesn't know what to do here. He puts Jamie Foxx in a room with real life afflicted people. He attempts to show make music looks/feels like to Nathaniel through colour. None of it sticks. I do like that the movie makes it clear that Steve can't ever "fix" Nathaniel, that things just aren't like that, but I'm not sure you should hang a movie about the relationship between a journalist and a schizophrenic musician on the strength of any one's narration even if it is Downey. C

Time to move to couch.

"I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss."

The same can be said of the central relationship in It Happened One Night, which I explore in my latest Culture article. It's the foundation of every rom-com ever made, so blame Frank Capra if you're not a fan.

And don't forget about Ask Miss Smartypants, updated every Monday. Send your questions to advice@culturemagazine.ca.

The Lovely Bones (2009)

My Book vs. Film came out today, but it's not one of my long, detailed ones (phew?). It's more in line with Time Traveler's Wife, under a 1000 words because I have so little to say. When the credits rolled, I remarked to one of my viewing companions that I felt like I saw half a movie.

I wonder how I would feel if I wasn't familiar with and attached to the source material. I read it years ago during a period of unemployment when I was devouring books. Best of all, all I knew about the book was that it was popular and well liked by a handful of my peers. I knew nothing about the plot, and, since I'm not much of a book jacket reader either, I was completely surprised and shocked by what followed. Moreover, there are bits that have stuck with me over the years: Lindsey borrows something from Susie's closet to wear to the memorial service, but it was something that Susie had borrowed from her best friend Clarissa, who opens her mouth to say something but decides against it. There are other, more germane to the plot elements of the book that I remember as well (including the metaphysical WTF that appears late in the story), but things like that -- the details that don't need to be included -- are what make books memorable and reading worthwhile.

I mentioned in the book vs. film Mark Wahlberg's hyper-earnest performance, which is a drag, but not Stanley Tucci's, which is so over the top that I briefly wondered if it were a joke. To be honest, there's not a lot of sense and coherence behind the casting of the adult characters. Rachel Weisz is underused (I really feel like she could sell me on why Abigail leaves, but the movie doesn't give her a voice), and Grandma Lynn is so reduced that Susan Sarandon (great though she is) comes off as misplaced.

Saoirse Ronan, on the other hand, is so expressive and available as an actress that it's impossible to imagine anyone else in a role once she inhabits it. She's funny and beautiful as Susie, and you just want to give her a hug long before anything happens to her. If the entire movie were Ronan, the quietly strong Rose McIver, the sensitive Carolyn Dando, and the impossibly adorable Reece Ritchie, it might have been something. The rare moments of emotional impact (Susie's attack, Lindsey's break-in) are so few and far between and the rest of the movie so fussed over, that it doesn't live up to the promise of its star. C

"They never have rat exhibits in the zoo. I could start a new trend!"

I normally find a quote that utilizes the month's theme, but it turns out that "liberation" quotes didn't go that well with my latest (Cult)ure article. It's a handy checklist to the trends behind the movies that defined the decade. It will also help explain why your favourite movies from 2000-2009 didn't make anyone's top of the decade list.

Also, I believe I forgot to tell you about the interview I did with writer-director David J. Garfield last month. Enjoy!

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

My Book vs. Film is already out, so maybe you want to start there and work back. I don't know. It's downright exhaustive, so I'm not going to get into the strength of the adaptation here. Let's focus on the movie as a movie.

I've got a complicated relationship with composer Alexandre Desplat, but let me tell you this much: he damn near ruined the movie for me. A lot of my other complaints about this movie are very much based in a comparison with Hardwicke's Twilight, which is just too bad for New Moon director Chris Weitz, but I am certain I would have found this score egregiously overwritten at every turn no matter what. He actually dings! when someone is supposed to have a moment of recognition. For all I know, there were dun-dun-duns, but I was probably working overtime to block it out. It's the most obvious and attention seeking score I have heard in years.

In talking it over with my viewing partner, she noted that there is a time and a place for a full orchestra, and New Moon is not it. Truer words, people. I liked Carter Burwell's work well enough last time around (okay, I do feel that the conspicuously-absent-from-New-Moon lullaby was not quite right), but I never realized before how his electric guitar and tribal drum driven work was modern, sexy, dangerous, and cool. Exactly what the score for our teen vampires and werewolves in love should be.

Regardless of the DP, director, or composer, these movies are bound to rake in a ton of coin. But does that mean that aesthetic concerns don't matter? Of course not! While cinematographer Javier Aguirresarobe does lovely work in the lush coastal rain forests of Vancouver, he's sort of at a loss when people are in the frame. Aguirresarobe and Weitz make sure that Edward (Robert Pattinson)'s first real appearance is held long enough for fangirls to get in a good squee (there is a fan involved, I'm pretty sure), but they lose it shortly thereafter. To wit:

1. Carlisle (Peter Facinelli) sows up Bella (Kristen Stewart)'s arm in candlelight while pulling her close and listening to opera. Wait, who is she supposed to be dating? Because I just thought, "Kiss! Kiss!"


2. A tilt to suggest Bella is thrown by Edward breaking up with her? Is this Doubt?


3. The camera pushes in on her lying down in the woods, and I thought, "Why wouldn't the camer pull out to show how alone and vulnerable she is?"
   
   
4. Bella tosses Jacob a slice of pizza during a fixing-up-our-bikes montage, and he catches a socket wrench (montage!). Not only does the wrench catch look completely fake, but it comes in from a completely different height and angle than the pizza through to what looks like a different area of the garage. Intentionally funny?*
   

It's like they're not sure what story they want to tell. Hardwicke clearly wanted to tell a story called, "The Cullens are cool, and now you want to join their cult, too." If Weitz's angle was supposed to be, "The wolves are cool, and now you want to join their cult, too," he really didn't hit the mark.

Don't get me wrong; the wolves are pretty cool. You're not going to get a lot of arguments from me against good looking guys with their shirts off, and New Moon has those aplenty. They're also a lot less openly hostile toward Bella in the movie than they are in the book, which I appreciated. Taylor Lautner's baby-face doesn't quite match the 25-year-old man Jacob is meant to morph into, but he's got Jacob's tenderness, heartbreak, and barely suppressed rage down pat. It will certainly be interesting to see what he does with Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. Plus, unlike others, aging will work in his favour.

Others being Pattinson, of course. Not that he looks markedly older to me, but there's something in his aspect this time around that's less boy and more man. I already thought he was perfectly cast as Edward, and he certainly brings exactly what's necessary to the role, cutting through Stephenie Meyer's florid prose to the human underneath. Yes, human. While Edward's beyond obsessed about his status as a vampire, Pattinson manages to play him in such a way where you can see how, for Bella, that would be just one thing about him but not the main thing. There's a man there. That said, this change I see makes the decision to rush through production slightly more reasonable.

Stewart's also doing some more lovely work (I was especially cheered by the face she makes right after she makes a pointed remark. It's a great "Get it?" face), though not all her choices work out that well. Even so, I see her growing into the character as well as making Bella grow up with her. It's the kind of thing that just might be worth study over time.

All the usual suspects are back, and they're just as great and underused as they were before (although what is up with Jasper's hair? Why can they not make it work?), and, though Fanning might try to steal the show as Jane, it's all about Michael Sheen as Aro when it comes to supporting players because it is fantastic to watch him pull a dude's head off and then gleefully cheer happy endings a few scenes later. I always liked Aro, but I just might love him now. I can only guess what's in store for Sheen now after playing a werewolf and a vampire. Frankenstein's monster? Dr. Frankenstein? Zombie? Angel? Demon? The sky's the limit!

Limited, I hope, will be Weitz's involvement in any future installments of this series. He and his team just aren't a good fit. Harwicke gets teenagers better than most directors (she's like John Hughes that way), and Weitz just doesn't seem to have the same respect/understanding of the source material. I mean, it's the same screenwriter (Melissa Rosenberg) either way, so it's hard to place the blame/credit there. Overall, the experience is satisfactory but nothing more than that. C+

*Point number four was added on the 24th after I remembered it.

"People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated."

The only reason Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who uttered that line, doesn't appear on my Underrated List is time. If I had more time, each letter would have multiple entries. Even so, my A to Z guide to everything in movies you've been missing should have enough to pique your interest.

Zombieland (2009)

My review of Zombieland went live today over on (Cult)ure as part of Horror Week. Because it's a review and not whatever it is that I do here (or don't do here, given how little I've posted in the last year), there are things I left out. Nitpicky things, naturally; some spoilery things, and you know how spoiler adverse I am. But since that's the review and this is the blog, and since the movie came out almost a month ago, let's discuss those things here, shall we? Consider this the annotated review.

• Eventually they meet up with two resourceful sisters, Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin.

Stone and Breslin are both winning as a pair of grifters, although the fact that they were grifters was so obvious from the word "go" that I was a little surprised at how stupid Eisenberg and Harrelson would have to be to fall for it. Also, because Stone is hot and approximately Eisenberg's character's age, there's a romantic interest there. Harrelson's character alternatively encourages Eisenberg or obliviously cockblocks, which is funny either way. I found it hard to believe, however, that a man who has obviously been alone and celibate for several months wouldn't even notice an attractive, prospective partner. Not that I wanted to watch an Eisenberg-Stone-Harrelson love triangle or to see Harrelson get creepy on Stone, but still, a throwaway "I'd hit it" is all I ask in the name of realism. Yes, zombies = not real, but the best of these movies put believable characters in extraordinary circumstances.

• Though the narration is oppressive early in the film -- when Eisenberg is the only character on screen
  

By "oppressive," I mean damn near omnipresent. In the PC round up I just published this morning (again, whoops), I link to an AV Q&A entirely because of Steven Heisler's answer. The one cliché he would do away with? "Almost all narrators or voiceovers in films." Ah, a kindred. When you only have one character, do you really need a non-stop monologue to go with him? Do you think viewers are incapable of interpreting what they see? I recommend you watch the first seven minutes of season four of Supernatural, which were nearly dialogue free, entertaining, and even suspenseful.

• Eisenberg's performance consists largely of his best Michael Cera impersonation.

I feel kind of bad for Eisenberg as he's older than Cera and quite possibly invented that particular comic delivery (props Madison for pinpointing who Eisenberg reminded me of), and, while there is a small novelty of seeing someone other than Cera do it, it's started to wear thin for even him. Hope he finds some other hook.

• Harrelson makes a delightfully badass roughneck.

He's the ninja version of a roughneck. It's completely silly, but it also suggests that would make an excellent action hero in the John McClane mold (more ordinary guy than super agent).

• The movie derives a surprising amount of mileage from [Harrelson's] ingenious killing techniques.

What the movie does not do is explain why each killing implement is abandoned as soon as it is used. It's always distracting in movies and on TV shows when someone uses a weapon and promptly tosses it while running away since that all but guarantees that the weapon will be needed again. Obviously that's not the case here (zombies stay dead), but it's still distracting. It could be that the zombie blood will infect Harrelson, but that's never made clear enough to know the reasoning for certain.

• It's not the performances, however, that make the movie so good.

I specifically wrote this line because my editor initially added a line about how the performance made this movie good despite the thin plot. While he was right that the initial draft needed rewriting, he was wrong about that point. The performances are good -- the movie overall is well cast -- but that's not why it's so laugh out loud funny.

• It's the off-beat "rules" Eisenberg's invented for survival and particularly the movie's illustration of said rules.

No, seriously. Not only is the soccer mom running from little girl zombies, they're little girl zombies dressed as princesses. That shit is priceless. And, as you can see, unrelated to the performances of the main players. It's all about direction (including set and art direction) and writing here.

• First time feature director Ruben Fleischer owes a debt to Shaun of the Dead (which he sort of acknowledges)

Which he also sort of makes fun of in having Eisenberg explain not to be stingy with bullets (the double tap) by cracking that it's not a cricket bat. They had to improvise!

Nitpicky as I am, I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. It's funny as all get out, and, though I am not good with horror, I do love a good dose of GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! B+

"And, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy."

I don't actually discuss any full frontal male nudity in my latest Culture article, but I do tackle the heyday of gratuitous sex scenes: 80s action movies. You're welcome!

What's that? Two articles in two weeks? I guess you're lucky, kid.