Saturday, June 20, 2009

Little Ashes (2008)

I'm sure I've said this before, but it bears repeating: the worst thing a movie can do is be boring. Not matter what else you do, if you can't get the audience to pay attention, you've got nothing.

It's unclear exactly how writer Philippa Goslett and director Paul Morrison couldn't find a single interesting element in the lives of Federico García Lorca (Javier Beltrán), Salvador Dalí (Robert Pattinson), and Luis Buñuel (Matthew McNulty). Talented and passionate artists forged, in part, in fascism and war, so let's . . . put a tragic love story in the centre. Okay, that might not be so bad.

It wouldn't be, again, if it weren't so boring. Often in fiction, the best romances are forbidden, and the hottest relationships are unconsummated. Here we have one that's both, but it's never possible to get swept up, in part, because the characters never do. Lorca and Dalí should be consumed by an overwhelming passion that drives them to break the rules, but all it really leads to is poetry (sexy?) and some unexplained combination of brattiness and psychological dysfunction* (weird).

Part of it is that Beltrán holds back while forgetting to suggest that his character is the one holding back. Emily pointed out that saying all his lines as though he is in physical pain just seems to be Pattinson's acting style, and, while we agreed that is makes a certain amount of sense for Edward, it makes a certain amount of sense here, too. I think he's trying to suggest the difficultly in expressing anything, especially anything that might be approaching truth, when one is so dedicated to artifice. Of course, the problem is that's what I think he's trying to suggest. That could just be how he acts.

Mostly, though, it all just seems like a waste of McNulty, whose momentary teary-eyed realization of the affair is possibly the best acted moment in the entire production. Morrison, I loved Solomon and Gaenor, but I think I might have just been high on the Gruffudd factor. Tragic love stories may have seemed your thing, but this time you disappoint. C-

*By which I only mean that he is portrayed as having some sort of mental problem.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: June 13 - 19

That's definitely an improvement over Paul Haggis.

Heh. I just read a story about how much more Internet savvy we are as a nation, too.

"But America’s film critics, an ornery lot, are not dead yet." Thank goodness.

Huzzah! I may have a morbid fascination with the idea of a new Whedon-less Buffy, but this is something I have no interest in seeing resurrected.

To the Zip List! Well, perhaps not.

This does not surprise me. Until we find proof that there are boatloads of unproduced scripts about women at every age and stage, I'd suggest that the people don't seem to understand how to write women, generally, and women's friendships, specifically. I would never want to be part of a reality show, but I can almost guarantee that if you were to follow my best friend and me for any length of time, you would find fodder for hundreds of characters, TV shows, and movies.

Yes , obviously. Relentlessly unfunny is the way this thing should go, given how relentless unnecessary the idea is.

If I could have only found a third 1959 story this week, the sentence, "Suddenly, 1959 is everywhere," would be true.

This is just a saying in my family.

Stories like this make me think that either my friends and I defy all demographic trends or that the survey techniques they use are subtle enough to capture their true markets. We do rent movies like guys, I'm told.

I laughed a little at this because I am mean. I also laugh a little at things like this. And things like this just make me happy.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Wolverine, Star Trek, & Terminator Salvation

2009: The summer in tent poles (so far)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

This movie does not, as I had previously thought, have a double colon in the title. They are missing out. Of course, the movie's also missing things like interesting characters, plots that make sense, and my attention. Punctuation's the least of their worries. Screenwriters David Benioff and Skip Woods seem to have thought of this movie backwards from action set pieces (cool guys don't look at explosions) and then filled out the bare minimum of plot between them. Gambit (Taylor Kitsch, deciding to do little in the Cajun accent department, but otherwise rocking) was cut from the first movie because of the budget, yet they're still doing the least they possibly can with the character. And for what? So we can laugh when Logan (Hugh Jackman, who I always want to type as Huge Jackman - that's his porn name) cuts a sink in half with his new adamantium claws? So we can get a backstory on his amnesia that makes no sense whatsoever? So Liev Schreiber can run around making his evil villain the most fun (and dangerous) character in the proceedings? Actually, that's kind of worth the price of admission. Though, like Watchmen, the movie is never so good as its opening montage (as Jimmy and Victor go from war to war over more than a century, Jimmy becoming disillusioned and Victor gradually losing his humanity), Schreiber's line reading on "Ooo, shiny," is too good to describe. He deserves a better movie. D

Star Trek

J.J. Abrams, look at you! Here we have something that doesn't start in the middle, makes sense without endless exposition, and is a heck of a lot of fun in the interim. Apparently you and scribes Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman are finally figuring these things out. Best of all, you found an inventive way to reboot the entire series that works. And really, I don't know if I've ever seen anything as badass as a 12 year-old driving a car off a cliff. Chris Pine may be an excellent Kirk, all cocksure swagger with just the right stripe of intelligence to pull it off, but Zachary Quinto as Spock owns that movie from start to finish. So long as you've got those two in place, you're set. Well, kickass Bruce Greenwood, dreamy Karl Urban, and adorable Simon Pegg and Anton Yelchin don't hurt either. This might be going some place good. Maybe cool it with the solar flares next time, though. B+

Terminator Salvation

Another colon-less confusing title! Another Anton Yelchin movie! In this case he goes from being adorable with an overblown accent and a head of curls, to, quite frankly, a little bit sexy with his tight pants and guns and the come-with-me-if-you-want-to-lives. The casting is spot on for this kid to grow into Michael Biehn. I have no idea why writers John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris (and the legions of other writers brought on to do rewrites, of course) chose to saddle him with a little mute girl and then didn't have the good sense to kill her (for pathos not my personal amusement), but what are you going to do? I'd rewrite this movie if I could. I'd tell McG to rethink the lighting scheme (not a joke), to give dreamboat Sam Worthington some direction other than "yell a lot," to give dreamboat Christian Bale some direction other than "brood." We get that he can brood, and we love that about him, we really do. I suspect that if I were hunted for the entirety of my life, I would brood a lot, too. But then I'd remember the immortal words of Roger Ebert, and I'd get the stick out of my ass. I'd remember that my character calls for imagination. Mostly, though, I'd call up those bastards in charge of cutting my trailers and ads and thank them for spoiling the only innovative twist the movie had going for it: do you know that Worthington's some kind of terminator? You do? Too bad the movie spends its entire first hour waiting for you to find that out. Bloody hell. There really ought to be some communication when it comes to these things. I don't know if I would have made the movie less boring, but I bet it would have been a good start. C

Friday, June 12, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: June 6 - 12

How dare you tell us how to commence!

At first I thought there was only one series in this gallery that I would want to see rebooted, but there were actually quite a few I wouldn't mind seeing a modern spin on.

I gotta say, I agree with the screen size and quality objections.

"The Pillars of the Earth, an eight-part series starring Donald Sutherland and Ian McShane, is to screen in 2010." I have no idea what that is, but I want to watch it.

"Does it matter that George Orwell pinched the plot?" Yeah?

I have no idea what many of these things mean.

30 ROCK is a rip-off of THE MUPPET SHOW! The headline really says it all.

Oh, thank goodness. Also, set your PVRs.

One of these will work on me.

I know that they're taking a mocking tone, but that's kind of awesome.

I need to start planning my vacation now.

Read the article on which Saturday Night Fever was based.

That's a good point.

Very true. Now when does she wear that t-shirt?

Friday, June 05, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: May 30 - June 5

Vladimir's got your back if you need someone to tell you that firing people is no biggie.

"If the consumer marketplace allows useful, effective products to disappear, then what is it good for? Or who is it good for? Not the person who's buying."

Good.

I can't decide if this is awesome or just kind of weird. Don't you like interacting with clerks?

Head butt!

Lick it!

If I made this list, it would be entirely different.

He's just trying to appeal to all the old school geeks out there.

Sad.

It's the last one that really makes the list.

This is the most exciting Black Panther news since Em told me that Shirley Thomson used to be one. The internet does not confirm that tidbit, though.

I like how "increased appetite" is likened to terrible suffering.

Journaling made easy. You should give one to every 12 year-old girl you know to save her from looking back on bad poetry when she's older.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

"Oh, yeah? Me and my banana stand are going to kick your banana stand's ass!"

So many lovely treats for you over at the Bananas issue of Culture! First there's my latest article, a carefully culled list of bananas celebrities, hand-crafted by Sarah, Emily, and myself. Then you can move on to giggling at my bananas-themed YouTube picks, and finally settle down for some advice which, sadly, is not banana-related. If you have banana-related questions (or any questions really; the next theme is Sex), send them to advice@culturemagazine.ca.

And if you are not already doing so, don't forget to check out the mag's blog, as written by its editors. By which I mean, mostly Kevin and me.