The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Christian Bale

© Warner Bros Pictures

I've already written 1000 words on this picture, so I don't think I have it in me to craft anything resembling a complete essay with a narrative though-line. I do, however, have a lot more thoughts and reactions to the movie as a whole, which will now take the form of bullet points. This probably goes without saying but, just in case it doesn't, SPOILERS.

• I must be the only person alive who loves Hans Zimmer's score. I love the tribal beat of Bane's theme and the way it goes crashing up against Batman's bombastic horns. I love the sneaky switcheroo when you realize that Bane's theme is like Bane himself -- not at all who you (or even he) thought but something entirely different. Above all, I love that when Bane and Batman come head to head for the first time, there is no score whatsoever. Just bone crunching and breathless anticipation in one of the most knock-down, drag-out fights I have ever seen on screen.
  
• My best friend's already made remarks to the extent that she is over Christian Bale, but I think he's my mafia: just when I think I'm out, he pulls me back in. It's not just the streaks of grey hair, the hollows under his eyes, or the fact that he is visibly thinner and more fragile than previous incarnations that break my heart to realize that he may have "aged-out" of the role he defined for himself. It's the way his voice softens when he's speaking with Alfred about Rachel. There's not only sorrow in that voice but innocence, like Alfred is a time machine that brings Bruce back to a moment when he was truly himself. It's the way you can tell, even at first blush, that there's no way Bruce/Batman could ever be more interested in Miranda Tate (though Marion Cotillard has never been more luminous) than he is in the Cat/Selina Kyle. It's not just the challenge that thrills him but the possibility of finding a single human being who may also understand.
  
• Speaking of Anne Hathaway, could she be any more killer in this movie? Sure, her first scene with Bruce when she flips from ingenue to seductress to criminal and right on out that window is gangbusters, but so is the moment in that scene when she hikes her skirt from just under her knee to just over her knee so she can climb (no one would wear those tights or the shoes to cater a party). Her dancing body can go from purring to ready to pounce in nanoseconds, but it's never campy. Above all, she gets to go through Harvey Dent's arc in reverse -- from apathetic to finally having some skin in the game. It was never really a matter of which side she would chose. It was just a question of how long it would take her to get there.
  
• If it weren't for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I think I would have fainted right out of my seat when Blake told Bruce he knew Bruce's secret identity 'cause he was also Batman (essentially). Mind you, it highlights the essential difference between them and further makes my point that you have to be a fuckin' weirdo to not become a cop or a prosecutor or the world's most dedicated lobbyist, but it also really smartly sets up the whole structures becoming shackles stuff and the way the movie lets you imagine that Blake just knew Bruce would leave him a little something special in his will. Of course, what I would really like to see is the "Becoming Batman" journal that would go along with it, full of handy tips like Lucius Fox's direct line, the best way to appear out of a shadow, and a guide to better growling.
  
• Actually, I'm also probably the only person who doesn't hate the Batman growl. On PCHH Glen Weldon posited that the movies could be a solid 10% better if it weren't for that growl, but whatever. He's got to disguise his voice somehow. Maybe he should have sunk some money into those Mission: Impossible voice patches.
  
• For that matter, I don't mind Tom Hardy's lilting based-on-an-Irish-Romani-'cause-he's-that-guy voice either. It took me right out of the movie the first time, I started to groove on it the second go 'round. It's just on border of being too silly, but, when you introduce a voice like that and follow it up with an impossibly menacing* hostile plane takeover, you start to see the character behind it. You see it in Bane's strut. You hear it in lines like, "What a lovely, lovely voice," followed immediately by mass murder and destruction. In fact, when you hear his voice for the first time, it's overwhelming loud - not just coming from behind you but in front of you and below you and in the seat next to you. Unnerving. 
  
• I don't really get Talia's point -- she hates her dad for disowning her protector but decided to follow through on his plan to destroy Gotham because his murder liberated her from her hate? That's pretty much what she said, I know, but I just don't understand. Why not enjoy the freedom to make your own decisions or reform the League of Shadows or use philanthropy to save the world like you've been pretending to anyway?
  
• To the nit-pickers who want to know how Bruce gets from the unspecified prison location and back to a secured Gotham in an unspecified amount of time, I say, "Did you not watch Batman Begins?" He spent seven years figuring out how to get from A to B without any money or notice. I'm sure he had it in the bag.
  
• How weird is it to see Batman in the daylight, though, right? It's a testament to both how broken the city is yet how accustomed they are to his presence that there are no double takes during that climactic showdown at City Hall. Gotham's just like Bruce in that regard -- they take Batman for granted.
  
• The song/video that inspired my article title.
  
  
  
  
• Besides the above, I think this is my favourite image that I came across in my research:
  

  

  Christopher Nolan

  © Warner Bros Pictures

A touch too long and a touch too reliant on Michael Caine's moist eyes to carry the emotional beats, but otherwise a near masterpiece. A-

 *I was going to say "badass" here but decided against it in part because I think the term is overused, in part because I don't want to associate any positive connotations of the term with the character, and in part because I heard a very convincing argument against the very character of Bane (in that he is a less product of storytelling needs and more of a need in the 80s and 90s for more "badasses" in comics).

Weekend update: The Amazing Spider-Man and Cosmopolis

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

© Columbia Pictures

Shortly after I saw The Amazing Spider-Man, a friend asked me how I would rate it. I gave her the letter grade, which she didn't get (she went to a school that didn't use them, apparently), so I gave her a percentage instead. She was shocked by my answer. First I tried to explain it away as the movie starting at a deficit with me because 1) I love Spider-Man and 2) I love the Sam Raimi Spider-Mans. That doesn't really explain it, though, and it's not really fair. It's more like this.

Anything other than the acting in this movie kind of sucks.

It has all the right elements: Peter developing the webs 'cause he's such a super-smarty, Gwen Stacy as his first love, Curt Connors doing wrong by trying to do right. All of those things work because the people playing them are so phenomenally well-cast (if you weren't already in love with Andrew Garfield, I don't know how much longer you will be able to hold out). It's all as it should be: Peter realizes a little something about himself and about growing up, and it gives him a confidence he never knew was always waiting inside him. But he's still a spaz who has to bury his head in his hands because what did he just say. And that Footloose-esqe moment of discovery . . . man, oh man.

But it's not right. Marc Webb's an excellent people director, but he doesn't have the visual elegance to craft an action sequence worth following. The score is horrendously distracting (really, James Horner, banging on the piano keys? Have you grown bored?). The plot is sketchy and oddly suggests that we really need to know Flash's back story. Flash! I live Chris Zylka and wish him well, post-Secret Circle, but c'mon. Forget about Richard Parker's amazing scientific discoveries and his dun Dun DUN!

It's like this -- if you don't put a crocodile snout on The Lizard, he risks looking like a turtle without his shell. B-

And, quite frankly, Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire own the New York Subway. Don't even go there. 

Cosmopolis (2012)

It's probably not a good sign when you start to wonder, "Why is this happening? Why is this happening to me?" while watching a movie. It's happening because I paid for it to happen. It's possible that I'm a masochist.

I'd be lying if I pretended that anything other than morbid curiosity drew me to this project. Von Pattinson? Cronenberg? Are we flipping maps again because that is some topsy-turvy shit.

I'll never fully fail a Cronenberg movie because I can't argue with the man's technical gifts or high level of commitment to the messages of his products. But beyond that, man. If I wanted to watch a movie that required so much work and delivered so little pay off, I'd probably watch Haneke again. D

Weekend update: Brave, Take This Waltz, Magic Mike

©Disney/Pixar

Yeah, I just invented another new series that I may or may not follow through on. The first post is the first step, peeps!

Brave (2012)

Though this will sound like sacrilege to some, I actually went to see Brave because I was spoiled for it. The tight rein on the ads meant that it felt like there was no story there, and my interest in these things is already middling at best. But then I got spoiled (intentionally so), and they were spot on: the part that you don't know about, the middle part that I am going to keep to myself, is easily the best. It saves Merida from being one-note (to a realistically teenage insufferable degree), and it provides the funniest gags and most moving moments. And then there's a conclusion, whatever. Aside from Act II, there's not much going on there. B

Take This Waltz (2012)

Take This Waltz is the movie I think I was supposed to see when I saw Blue Valentine. As good as it was, it was also freighted by actorly tics and what's supposed to be meaningful. When old Ryan Gosling opens a door and sees young Michelle Williams standing there, it's beautiful and symbolic and completely not answering the question of how they got there. Waltz manages to do that without having to go back -- you can see it in the way Seth Rogen obliviously ignores Willams' advances and how ill-formed and half-hearted those advances are. You can see how Luke Kirby's merciless mocking wouldn't be a put-off so much as an invitation to reveal more. At least he sees her.

Sarah Polley's already drowning in critical love for this one, and she should be. I found the interiors as crammed and fussed over as any Wes Anderson movie, but that doesn't stop Waltz from being deeply felt, as melancholic as it is hopeful, and as in love with its subjects as it is its setting. A-

Magic Mike (2012)

© Warner Bros Pictures

Steven Soderberg can do no wrong in my eyes this year. First he gives me Haywire and a protagonist worthy of the title badass, then he goes 100 miles in the other direction for that male stripper movie that everyone's talking about. And talk about it they should because Magic Mike is amazeballs.

If Polley (and Anderson's) interiors seem crammed, Soderberg flips the switch: there's always something to look at in the background. If Channing Tatum is a compelling dancer (and, oh, how he is. Look at him flip right off that stage!), then Kevin Nash is the most compelling non-dancer I've ever laid eyes on. The more effort Matthew McConaughey and his short-shorts put into training Alex Pettyfer, the more you wonder why he keeps ol' Nash around. And then you see him up on stage again: pure entertainment.

It's odd: as much as the movie is concerned with the commodification of sex (the kinds of people who sell it, and what happens when you do), it's equally concerned with the entertainment value of what's on stage. The guys can't just come out on stage and take off their clothes; they have elaborate costumes, props, and characters. They are wonderful. Sexy CPR, any one?

The movie is so comfortable with and fascinated by the world it's exploring that it's no wonder it takes so long to get to the central conflict. It's so late breaking and ill-conceived that it's next to impossible to credit, save Tatum and Pettyfer's characters beats. Less so for Cody Horn, who isn't as bad as you've read but also isn't nearly good enough to elevate her character beyond the page (turn your dictionaries to the bitc-s if you want to know which specific page). Too bad they couldn't have switched her out for Olivia Munn, who found real emotional depth in her small role.

The best of the best, though, has to be McConaughey. Between this and The Lincoln Lawyer, we finally have a career resurgence befitting his overly tanned skin, laconic drawl, and alternative steely and manic gaze. Take everything you've ever liked about McConaughey, chop it down to a supporting role, and you've basically got this performance. And it is a gem. B

P.S. No one shoots in DV better than ol' "Peter Andrews."  

P.P.S. I love this picture. It looks like they are involved in a caper.  

The Avengers (2012)

Thor and Captain America

© Marvel

I gave The Avengers a second chance.

Yeah, that's right: second. I thought it was merely okay the first time around, but some smart people convinced me that I was missing something, so I did it again. Verdict? It's very good, but I wouldn't go further than that in part because you basically don't have the space to develop that many distinct characters in an ensemble piece whose main goal is kicking ass and in part because some characters, no matter who you get to play them, will never lend themselves to character development (yes, Hulk, we're talking about you). I'm going to skip talking about all the delicious Whedon-verse-ism, though, because that's been done, and better, in about 1 million other places.

I was, however, thoroughly enthralled by what they had going on with Captain America, right down to the make-up and wardrobe choices. He's so alien to them; so different in his approach to how and Why We Fight that ends up standing out far more than the actual aliens. If he seemed (intentionally, I would wager) flat in Captain America, then he comes into sharp relief here. He never needed as much push as the rest of them to do the right thing, but he needs a lot of help to figure out what the right thing is these days (or if it even matters). Plus he gets to be part of one of my fave visual gags. Well played, Chris Evans.

Well played to . . . pretty much everyone, let's be honest. I love The Hemsworth (though I seriously considered calling in a Wig Cop on that thing) (also, he got to deliver what might have been my actual favourite joke of the movie, so good for him); I love The Buffalo and his Peter Falk impersonation; I love, love, love Robert Downey Jr. (especially as Tony Stark); I don't understand why people have a problem with ScarJo in the role; I especially don't understand why people have a problem with Jeremy Renner (it's not his fault his character was in a coma for half the running time). Besides, if anyone was having a breakout movie, it was Tom Hiddleston, so clearly relishing the narrow pettiness of his particular goal. Will we ever not fall for that? Solid B+.

P.S. I do feel bad for Cobie Smoulders, as I don't think anyone had a kind word to say about her in the role or even about the role's existence. Probably because it was flatter than flat.

P.P.S Those aren't shawarmas.