Dead Heat (2002)

Summary: Heart problems force a 35 year-old Boston cop (Kiefer Sutherland) to retire, and his wife (Radha Mitchell) gives him the boot. His ne'er-do-well step brother (Anthony LaPaglia) convinces him to buy a race horse and hire a jockey (Lothaire Bluteau) who's in deep with the mob.

I'm sitting here right now still laughing at this movie. You might think this means that the movie is funny, but you would be wrong. I'm laughing at how very bad this movie is. Mark Malone, the writer/director, shouldn't be making movies because he is not good at it. Harsh, perhaps, but true. Okay, I admit that I've never seen any more of his work. Luckily, I don't need to. I can tell just from this movie.

That said, as much as I love LaPaglia and Sutherland, their chemistry cannot save this train wreck. They are hilarious and a hoot to watch, and they let me use my talent where I turn any movie into a comedy. What - it's in the action section? What - it's rated R? Trust me, it's a comedy when I am there. Just like Sphere. Now, that was a comedy.

Also, what is with Patric Caird's score? Did he write it in the year 1986 for the band Limozeen? Those kinds of guitar riffs just don't bode well with the public today. And another thing! Who shot this movie? Last time I checked, Boston was pretty cool. I couldn't even tell this movie was in Boston! I'm not saying I have to see Harvard in every shot or the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum, but I can guarantee the place isn't as dull as it looked here. This film might as well have been set in Buffalo for all they did with cinematography.

To sum up: as an action movie = bad; as a comedy = good.