Oscar Wrap-Up (2005)

April takes requests!

I know you are probably already sick of the endless commentary about one night that always runs too long, but I have a few things to throw out there upon request. I think you can sit through a few more minutes.

Plus, I have more freedom to say whatever the hell I want, and I usually do. So you've got that.

Let it be known that April did not stay up to watch the end of the awards. I had to get up and go to work the next day, so I couldn't. I watched enough to be able to comment on the coups, the high points, and the disasters of the evening.

Truth be told, Gil Cates runs a tight ship. Things were moving along at a pretty good clip by the time I turned in. The supportings were already neatly tucked away, I had heard three crappy songs (during which Beyoncé sported two fugly outfits), and Sideways had received the only award it was bound to get.

But were the sacrifices he made to keep things so tight worth it? Handing out awards in seats or having everyone stand on stage like beauty pageant contestants for so-called "minor" awards?

In a word? No. Those changes, while offering something refreshing in a pretty cut-and-dry world of award shows, were an offence. That's like pretending that sound or editing aren’t important and essential components of a film. It also suggests that that documentary or short films are lesser forms of filmmaking.

Stupid Gil Cates.

Morgan Freeman was the only dark horse candidate that threw me off my game, and his speech was among the best. I wasn’t sure what was going on with his scarf, so I convinced myself that it was a nod to the upcoming Nelson Mandela biopic. I say upcoming like you will soon see it in a theatre near you, but that’s not really the case.

Since Blanchett took the award I knew she would, Madsen wins best dressed Supporting Actress Contender. Her blue and black Versace was sexy and lavish. I was in awe and glad to see her forgo the “Old Hollywood” rule.

Swank beat out poor Bening again, but her simple and silly looking Guy Laroche didn’t compare Bening’s sleek Armani jersey. I think she was hoping that the dress would detract from the scary monotone way she was speaking.

Of course, Kate Winslet gave them both a run for their money is a gorgeous Greek inspired blue Badgley Mischka.

I can’t find Catalina Sardino Moreno’s designer, but someone must tell me as she was the most gorgeous creature there. Her sleek white body skimming dress with thick jewelled straps, hair pulled back in a plain ponytail, and minimal make up to show off her beautiful skin – the combination was breath taking.

Can someone please explain to me what the hell Johnny Depp was thinking? Your lady is a Chanel model, my good man, and you are one of the most attractive people on the planet! Shape up, buddy!

I may get stoned for saying this, but, after the Golden Globes and then the Academy Awards, I confess that I think Leonardo DiCaprio has turned out to be a class act. He carries himself through all of this hoopla with composure and even a measure of grace. He’s aged a lot since Hollywood first started beating down his door.

Who else found Clint Eastwood’s green bowtie cute?

People that should be charged for crimes against humanity (or at least April’s eyes) for their ensembles: Scarlett Johansson, Kirsten Dunst, Melanie Griffith, Carlos Santana, Robin Williams, Laura Linney, Orlando Bloom (wrong collar for the no-tie look), and P. Diddy.

I wish Kidman had been there to pick up were so many starlets left off in the fashion department.

Those they will need to defend the above for their fashion crimes: See above, plus Clive Owen, Emmy Rossum, Sophie Okonedo, Chris Rock, Don Cheadle’s wife (she was wearin’ that dress), Cheadle himself, and Jamie Foxx. The latter two weren’t stellarly dressed, but there was nothing offensive about their outfits.

How is it that P. Diddy does both his suit and Rock’s, but Rock doesn’t look like an asshat?

As a host, though, kind of racist. Died during that “If you can get the star, then wait!” bit. Russell Crowe certainly could be three weeks ago.

Applause goes to Charlie Kaufman for seeing his day (yay!), as well as Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor. Screenplays were good this year.

I was all teary eyed when everyone kept thanking Marty because I knew he had a snowball’s chance of holding a gold statuette of his own. Makes a girl sad.

And so, I bring you something I have no doubt you’ve been patiently waiting for for two months now: April’s personal top 10 of 2004 list. I reviewed nearly 40 movies that came out last year, and I’m sure I will yet see many more. Until that day, though, here’s a sample based on personal enjoyment and final grade.

The 10:

Hotel Rwanda
Million Dollar Baby
Sideways
Finding Neverland
Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch’s War on Journalism
Mean Creek
Before Sunset
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Garden State
The Aviator

Holy crap that was tough. I spent nearly two hours picking those out from the crowd. There are many, many others who were close contenders, but I think just mentioning them will make me want to change my mind.