Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
 
Plot: Stacy (Jennifer Jason Leigh) wants a boyfriend.  Linda (Phoebe Cates), her best friend, has an older lover.  Stacy’s older brother, Brad (Judge Reinhold), wants his girlfriend to sleep with him.  Rat (Brian Backer) wants Stacy.  So, apparently, does his best friend, Mike (Robert Romanus).  Jeff (Sean Penn) just wants to ride a gnarly wave. 
 
So, basically speaking, high school. 
 
I rented this movie to round out my Cameron Crowe (writer) collection.  As it turns out, I’m still missing a movie.  Which is great news, in my opinion, because I’m losing my faith in him. 
 
Vanilla Sky rocked it, but I’ve accepted that it’s really some crazy Spanish movie called Open Your Eyes.  I can deal with that. 
 
But this . . . whatever the hell this was just didn’t do it for me. 
 
Call me simple, but I like a movie with a plot.  Apparently this movie was praised because it was the first to deal with “real issues” facing “teens today”.  Or, in any case, “real issues facing” the teens in the movie. 
 
The only “real issue” that is dealt with in the movie is teen pregnancy/abortion, and there is little or no lesson learned from the experience.  In fact, no one even bothers discussing with the girl in the importance of safe sex.  The nurse just recommends that the girl get a ride home after.  Very helpful. 
 
Aside from that 10 minute foray into “real issues”, the movie falls flat for one very simple, very crucial reason: there is no plot to be found.  A random collection of uninteresting incidents and marginally funny moments are passed off as a plot.  There’s not a compelling thing about it.
 
In fact, it seems more like an excuse to expose the young Leigh’s and Cates’ breasts, which are compelling plot points in and of themselves. 
 
And, for the life of me, I cannot figure out why Sean Penn is top billed in this movie.  He is in only a handful of scenes, and those scenes have little to do with the rest of the movie anyway. 
 
Amy Heckerling’s direction is clunky at best and self-defeating at its worst.  I get that there is no story to tell, but the least she could do is try to tell something, anything, with her shots. 
 
So, to sum, I’m going to have to buck convention at this point and spend wasteful hours wondering why anyone in their right minds actually enjoys this movie.