Simple Irresistible (1999)

Short: After her mother’s death, Amanda Shelton (Sarah Michelle Gellar) runs her restaurant but with one small glitch: she can’t cook. While shopping in the market one day, she meets a business executive, Tom Bartlett (Sean Patrick Flanery), and buys a magic crab (yes, you read that right), which helps her to cook and makes them fall in love. In about four days.

Alright, I’ll come clean: this horrible movie is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. I don’t know why. Might just be the Flanery factor.

Honestly, though, Judith Roberts (writer) couldn’t hit a comic beat to save her life. There isn’t a single compelling thing about her trite and tired screenplay. That probably explains why she hasn’t done anything else. When you fail so convincingly, what else is there to do?

Mark Tarlov (director) can’t seem to make heads or tails of Roberts’ writing. He seems genuinely confused about what to do with his cast and his camera. It’s a romantic comedy, for Pete’s sake! The formula is pretty simple, but Tarlov can’t seem to catch on enough to make it worthwhile.

Where they really lost me, though, was with Gellar. I think this may have been an attempt to capitalize on the success of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, as well as Gellar’s attempt at a more serious/adult role. I cannot fathom why. Despite the fact that I love Buffy, and I love Gellar as Buffy, she simply cannot fill any other role. Outside of the Buffyverse, she can’t act her way out of a bag. It’s trying to watch.

The movie is a waste of Flanery.

And the music is gimmicky! There’s nothing more annoying than a gimmicky score.

Oh, there is one good thing about this movie: Patricia Clarkson, who plays Tom’s assistant Lois. I like her. And I like her in this movie.

Oh, and check this out.