X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Short: Having discovered a "cure" (Cameron Bright) for the Mutant X gene, mutants of all kinds must take a side, either with the Brotherhood led by Magneto (Ian McKellen), or with the X-Men under Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart). Meanwhile, Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) emerges from her watery grave as her alter ego, Phoenix.

Comic books have to be the best example of marketing to your base. Seriously, think about the standard superhero model: a nerdy adolescent suddenly discovers that he has supernatural powers, finally gets the attention of the girl he's been pining for, saves humanity. It's the highly intensified equivalent of getting through high school, with added attraction for social outcasts of all creeds.

Of course, X-Men takes it one step further. Putting mutants on the fringes gives their stories a built-in allegorical base that draws from the Holocaust, slavery and segregation, homosexuality, disability, and whatever other maginalization you can think of. And the sad but true fact? The contemporary world never ceases to provide the story with fodder.

For me, the characters and the political undercurrent are part of what sets X-Men apart. The first movie, while not among my favourite comic book-silver screen adaptations, was practically a guidebook for how to do it right. By the time Bryan Singer made his way to the sequel, he set a heretofore undiscovered benchmark: a second movie better than the original.

So, when he walked away to helm Superman Returns (a movie which, to be honest, looks not so good), I thought the trilogy might have to take a little break. But, oh no, the studio had to bring in a scab: Brett Ratner. Yes, the very director that had vacated the chair for Bryan Singer on the Clark Kent front.

You know what? They should have waited. Though Ratner has a good handle on action, the rest of the movie feels cut off at the knees. All the wit, warmth, intelligence, and political savvy is dumbed down or removed entirely and replaced with macho bluster. The real Wolverine wouldn't have to make a dumb testicles joke because we already know what a big pair he has (confidential to Hugh Jackman: what do they stuff in those jeans?).

That's where this movie is aimed: groin level. Nothing for the head or the heart. Instead, let's focus on the animal attraction between Logan and Jean. That seems like a good idea.

As for the grade, it's somewhere in the B to C range. If you weren't that attached to the ideas to begin with and aren't looking for more than a popcorn action flick, you could do worse. But for those of us who care, well, we'd better hope that Magneto and Wolverine end up in more capable hands. C+

Okay, here's the part where I sort of dance around certain issues I have with the movie without trying to give them away entirely. A) He's the only one, really? Because I would think Rogue would be the better choice, if they could only get her close enough. There was ample time, too, while she was just standing around. B) I get why she would go that way, but that was always my problem with the movies. Her other powers at least gave her something to do. Instead we get an ending that make sense but fails to resonate because Ratner wouldn't give it time to.

P.S. Palpable lack of Ben Foster. Ben, remember when you were Tucker on Flash Forward? Me, too. Love ya!