The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)

It's obvious Disney wants to turn The Sorcerer's Apprentice into their next Pirates of the Caribbean or at least the next National Treasure, but I don't think that's going to work. I've been trying to pinpoint why. The Sorcerer's Apprentice is no Pirates, but surely Nicholas Cage and director Jon Turtletaub could create another Treasure, right?

Bear in mind that I realize that this is Disney we're talking about here, but I think the problem is that there are no stakes. The Chosen One is a story that's been done to death, but, as far as magic goes, the Chosen One is owned by Harry Potter at this point in the cultural lexicon. Those books, and by consequence the movies, grew with their readers: they got progressively darker as Harry (and the reader) got older. So to drop us into a story where the Boy Wizard Sorcerer is 20 and to at no point give us any reason to think his life might be imperiled by the ones who want him dead is a misstep. Sure, Max (Alfred Molina) keeps saying that he's going to kill Dave (Jay Baruchel), but, when presented with a prime opportunity, he doesn't even try! Doesn't even knock him unconscious. Pull it together, villains.

And while we're talking villains, can someone please explain to me the value in ending the world? Remember way back in the glorious second season of Buffy, when Spike allied with Buffy over Angelus mostly to get Dru back but partly because he didn't see the appeal of ending the world anyway? I always think of that little speech ("like Happy Meals with legs") whenever villains want to end the world in movies and on TV because then you die, too, moron. Unless that's the point, in which case kill yourself and save us the trouble. Selfish. Anyway, it's later clarified that the world "as we know it" will end, which is another thing entirely. I can see why you'd want to do something about that.

But I digress. So here are these characters, locked in mortal combat for over a millennium, waiting to find the Prime Merlinian, so they can release Morgana Le Fey (bully for Max), so Dave can kill her (bully for Balthazar (Cage)). Even when your outcome is a foregone conclusion, you can still build some suspense. But all the suspense I felt was of the tying the plot elements together variety: "I wonder how the Tesla coils will fit into this." "Oh, there we go." Did I wonder if Dave would accept his destiny and live up to his potential? Of course not. And not just 'cause it was a movie. Because it was a deliberately lighthearted movie. I've seen Baruchel in some dark places before (Just Buried), so I'm sure he can bring it. The movie didn't want to go there, so none of the actors did either.

That's not so bad, I suppose. It certainly means a less hammy Cage than you might expect. If anything, he and Molina are having a helluva time being just hammy enough. Despite the lack of pathos, Baruchel is still charming and a comic find. Plus you've got Toby Kebbell up in there (between this and Prince of Persia, I'm starting to wonder if he's got a three picture deal at Disney) poking hilarious fun at Criss Angel (just like that great episode of Supernatural!), so it's a good time. A fluffy, frothy, fitfully fun good time.

I don't know. It's like the Fantasia sequence: it feels like it was just dropped in the middle with no thought about how to properly integrate it into the story. It doesn't suit the character (a guy who has little confidence in his magic suddenly opts for a big spell?), and it involves a comical amount of mops and brooms (didn't they replicate themselves in the original? Okay, after Mickey splintered the first broom). Instead of wondering how this will end or laughing at the dedicated cleaning crew, I was baffled by the sheer abundance of mops and brooms. Why would an unauthorized lab space in an abandoned subway roundabout have all these cleaning supplies? Did Dave put them there? See?! These are the wrong things to be thinking about. But there's no tension or suspense to stop my mind from spinning. C+

Also, maybe screenwriters and the world and I should have a little talk about how we could have tweaked the Becky (Teresa Palmer) plotline a little so it came across as more of a "what if?" thing instead of a creepy, weird thing. Not that it's played it that way, but that's what you would think if some dude thought of a grade school crush as the One That Got Away. Also, why is Becky a freshman? SEE?!