Appetizer (okay, I'll give you a little review, too)

Listen, it's not like I've not been watching movies. I don't want you to think that. But, well, I think the last whole movie I watched was Lord of War (2005), and I'm definitely going to need to see that again before I can form anything approaching an opinion about it. I can tell you that the stellar opening sequence (set to the perennial fav protest song, Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth") was almost diminished by the by-the-numbers plot writer/director Andrew Niccol churned out. When some people fall, they hit the ground pretty damn hard. Sure, he managed to subdue Nicholas Cage's schtick (for, I tell you truly, that man gives schtick. Schtick is not acting. Mind you, there is a great place in this world for schtick. Beloved Jimmy Stewart was generally a purveyor of the finest quality schtick available), so I'll grant him that.

As pretty as Jared Leto is, I found myself distracted by Ethan Hawke. I know! So soon after I swore him off! But, and just think about this, has anyone else noticed how foxy he's become in the last two years or so? I would have been the first to publicly declare my love for him at the top of his Gen-X, greasy haired slacker days. But, now, it's likely he's magically developed this raw animal magnetism. Like he's suddenly remembered his own sexuality, even if his lovely wife did dump his ass. Oh, Ethan, why must you toy with me this way?

But that stupid, stupid plot. It had all the makings of a wonderful little amoral thriller, only it had to stop full stop and start proselytizing on me. Niccol, I used to think you could be subtle when you were moralizing. If you keep this up, I'm going to have to stop getting excited about your movies and instead look on the ads with disdain. Also, if you must have one character deliver the stupid "voice of audience" speeches, try not to have Bridget Moynahan do it. Nonetheless, you did give Ian Holm the best line of the night, and those Sutherlands do give great voice over.

Oh, but how do I feel? I feel pretty B, maybe even B- right about now. I'll give ya another chance, though. I'm feeling generous.

And now onto the only reason I was going to post before all that crazed stream of consciousness stuff came out. Two videos for ya, kids, because I care. Here's something funny. Here's something funny in the creepy could be true kind of way.