Oscar Wrap Up (2009)

Around the time that Kate picked up her Oscar (finally, even if she is only 33), I got a little worried. I was four for four, and, by my track record, either Mickey Rourke or Slumdog Millionaire would have to go down. Even though I would have loved to have seen yet another deranged speech from Mr. Rourke (and where the dogs in all this?), I was relieved when Penn took the podium (Rourke's his brother, apparently). Slumdog's win was secure.

As was Anthony Dod Mantle's, who may have taken home the most deserving statuette last night. Sure, Philippe Petit was adorable when he rushed the stage and balanced Oscar on his chin, but, really, is there anything better than Mantle's collaboration with Boyle? Maybe his hair?

While I loved Kate's dad's whistle, my award for best acceptance speech is going to Dustin Lance Black. It was beautiful, moving, and simple. That he happens to be so cute and youthful didn't hurt either.

Pattinson did not bite anyone during the show (though I feared in particular for Rourke, who was seated directly in front of the young vampire). Seriously, though, even Troy made a crack about his pallor. I wouldn't be surprised if being perpetually in character was part of his particular brand of crazy.

Pluses: great hosting by Jackman (but where did he disappear to after half time?); the presentation by committee plan worked out (loved the endless movement that went with Angelica Huston's little speech -- apparently she's too va va voom to stand still; loved Swinton for wearing separates and Maclaine for wearing pants); a lovely, moving speech from Ledger's family; the Pineapple Express interlude complete with singing; Jerry Lewis; Angelina's emeralds; Marion Colltiard, as always I hope; Tina Fey, as always for reals; Penélope Cruz's dress; Penélope Cruz, just generally; Viola Davis's dress; Taraji P. Henson's dress; Ben Stiller's Joaquin Phoenix impersonation if only because it may, as Dana hopes, serve as proof that it's all a put-on; my boyfriend Robert Downey Jr, now and forever.

Negatives: the salute to musicals; the salutes to genres; the inability for the camera to show us people's names during the dead people montage; watching Po trying to eat a dumpling at the bottom of the screen during everything ever; figuring out who those two people about to kiss were and then promptly forgetting; getting distracted by said kissing; SJP's dress; Winslet's dress; the general dreariness of the dresses, actually; no Javier Bardem with Penélop Cruz; Meryl Streep's dress; Reese Witherspoon's dress; Reese Witherspoon's make up; Frida Pinto's dress.

All in all, a decent night. Now if someone will only start mass marketing Wall-E crock pots.