King Kong (2005)

Hour 1: Down on her luck vaudevillian Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) accepts a role in Carl Denham’s (Jack Black) latest production when she discovers that playwright Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody), a favourite of hers, has penned the screenplay.

Hour 2: So they set out with movie star Bruce Baxter (Kyle Chandler) and an able-bodied crew (highlights include Thomas Kretschmann as Captain Englehorn, Evan Parke as first mate-type Hayes, and Jamie Bell as stowaway turned sailor Jimmy) for Skull Island. Ann and Jack are falling for each other. Once they reach the island, Ann is taken captive by the natives to be offered as a sacrifice to what they ominously refer to as “Kong.” Jack sets about a rescue mission, while Ann

Hour 3: develops Stockholm syndrome and falls into a platonic love for the one male that will never let her down: Kong (Andy Serkis). Ann’s rescue results in Kong’s capture, and he is taken to New York to be showcased on Broadway by Carl as the “eight wonder of the world.” Kong breaks free to find Ann, which, of course, brings chaos to New York City. And then they climb the Empire State Building.

Listen, you know the story. I feel very full disclosure about this whole review, so you are going to have to settle down and agree that it’s not like I’m giving anything away. Except that I so will. But I’m not giving away the plot because it’s common knowledge. Plus, I very kindly broke it down into hours for you, as part of my weird full disclosure thing, which is why I now mention that I haven’t seen either of the other two versions. I have a feeling that that’s not important.

So, yeah, teeny bit over three hours. To his immense credit (and we all know I don’t regularly give this man any credit), director/co-writer Peter Jackson doesn’t make it feel like three hours. No one in my company even took a bathroom break! Sure, there were times when Ave turned to me and said that they could have cut “this” part out, and she was right. The picture could have been a bit more quickly paced, but I don’t mean that in the sense that I felt it moved too slowly. It didn’t. Writers Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, and Jackson shoehorn in a lot of back story that simply didn’t exist in the 1933 classic, and that kind of thing takes time. To be honest, I like most of the changes that they made. I like that Driscoll is transformed from a sailor into a proto-feminist sensitive writer-type. I like that Ann returns Kong’s sentiments.

I cannot stand the subplot involving Hayes and Jimmy. By the time Jimmy, remarking on Heart of Darkness, comments to Hayes, “This isn’t an adventure story, is it?”, I was looking for a knife. Are we all so stupid that we need the whole plot spelled out to us though two somewhat inconsequential characters? No? Give the audience some credit, Jackson! Nice work by Parke and Bell anyway.

While I’m on this complimentary vibe, let me give mad props to James Newton Howard for the score he whipped up in less than two months. It was transcendent. The whole world melts away when you hear it, much like it does for Ann when she’s with Kong. Moreover, it was perfectly suited to the movie. Awards for this man!

While I can understand the impulse to cast Black (who does barely controlled mania better?) in the role that’s basically a send up of Orson Wells’ later days, there were times when he seemed a bit miscast. Maybe he’s just not comfortable in front of greenscreens.

Watts. I’ll just come out and say it: I still don’t see what the big deal is about Nicole Kidman the Younger is. I’d take the real Nicole any day. I think the main difference, besides Nicole being more technically talented, is that sometimes she can give off a chilly, removed vibe, whereas Naomi is a bit warmer, a bit more approachable. This role is well suited to what Watts has to offer. I can empathize with Ann and Kong’s plight, and even my hardened heart was moved by the endearing Central Park skating reprieve.

But my sympathies? Were quickly and firmly planted in Jack’s camp. Kong is built to be a warrior, but there’s no indication that Jack’s cut out for anything other than writing. Even so, he, too, is unfailing in his devotion to Ann. He risks life and limb time and again, and she has to go and fall for an ape. Of course, my feelings for the über-menschy Renaissance man Jack Driscoll may, in part, be influenced by my feelings for his portrayer. Well, what did you think was going to happen? Brody was Jackson’s one and only choice for the role, did all his own stunt driving, and was sporting 30s period costume, which I how I feel for him in the first place. What’s a girl to do?

I’d go into the sexual politics of this movie and my serious issues with them, but Meghan O’Rourke’s already done such a good job that I must defer to her.

For a movie that relies heavily on a CGI ape and Naomi Watts’ breathing, it’s strangely affecting. A