Friday, October 30, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: September 26 - October 30

That Sept 26 business is just a guess based on my last saved PC round up. It's a surprisingly short list for a month's worth of bookmarked items, but at least the folder is cleaned out instead of haunting me.

In praise of inconsistent directors

'Scots' opera gets Botswana treatment

Coen Brothers, Tarantino and Jewish History Real and Revised

Do readers really want video-book hybrids?
  • No? Because we're not leotards? On the other hand, maybe most of us are.
Mann to create biopic of war photog Capa

Bette Davis: What a Star

Think yourself a better picture

Tate Modern puts void in Turbine Hall
  • I love the Tate Modern. There's something refreshing and freeing in how balls out they are. They don't even care what you think - they are putting a giant black box in Turbine Hall. Deal with that.
Short Cuts | The New Republic

Halloween Book Burning at Baptist Church to Include Copies of the Bible
  • I did a double take when I saw that headline? Who burns books anymore?
THE LAST DAYS OF THE POLYMATH

Do Soap Operas Boost Women's Rights? Economist Says Yes

With strong female characters, Hollywood suffers from a fear of failure
  • Odd since so many examples point of movies that weren't very good or even roles that the actress wasn't very good in (e.g. Julia Roberts in Duplicity). Not that I don't agree about the lack of strong female characters at the box office, just question the examples given.

Zombieland (2009)


My review of Zombieland went live today over on (Cult)ure as part of Horror Week. Because it's a review and not whatever it is that I do here (or don't do here, given how little I've posted in the last year), there are things I left out. Nitpicky things, naturally; some spoilery things, and you know how spoiler adverse I am. But since that's the review and this is the blog, and since the movie came out almost a month ago, let's discuss those things here, shall we? Consider this the annotated review.
  • Eventually they meet up with two resourceful sisters, Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin.
Stone and Breslin are both winning as a pair of grifters, although the fact that they were grifters was so obvious from the word "go" that I was a little surprised at how stupid Eisenberg and Harrelson would have to be to fall for it. Also, because Stone is hot and approximately Eisenberg's character's age, there's a romantic interest there. Harrelson's character alternatively encourages Eisenberg or obliviously cockblocks, which is funny either way. I found it hard to believe, however, that a man who has obviously been alone and celibate for several months wouldn't even notice an attractive, prospective partner. Not that I wanted to watch an Eisenberg-Stone-Harrelson love triangle or to see Harrelson get creepy on Stone, but still, a throwaway "I'd hit it" is all I ask in the name of realism. Yes, zombies = not real, but the best of these movies put believable characters in extraordinary circumstances.
  • Though the narration is oppressive early in the film -- when Eisenberg is the only character on screen
By "oppressive," I mean damn near omnipresent. In the PC round up I just published this morning (again, whoops), I link to an AV Q&A entirely because of Steven Heisler's answer. The one cliché he would do away with? "Almost all narrators or voiceovers in films." Ah, a kindred. When you only have one character, do you really need a non-stop monologue to go with him? Do you think viewers are incapable of interpreting what they see? I recommend you watch the first seven minutes of season four of Supernatural, which were nearly dialogue free, entertaining, and even suspenseful.
  • Eisenberg's performance consists largely of his best Michael Cera impersonation.
I feel kind of bad for Eisenberg as he's older than Cera and quite possibly invented that particular comic delivery (props Madison for pinpointing who Eisenberg reminded me of), and, while there is a small novelty of seeing someone other than Cera do it, it's started to wear thin for even him. Hope he finds some other hook.
  • Harrelson makes a delightfully badass roughneck.
He's the ninja version of a roughneck. It's completely silly, but it also suggests that would make an excellent action hero in the John McClane mold (more ordinary guy than super agent).
  • The movie derives a surprising amount of mileage from [Harrelson's] ingenious killing techniques.
What the movie does not do is explain why each killing implement is abandoned as soon as it is used. It's always distracting in movies and on TV shows when someone uses a weapon and promptly tosses it while running away since that all but guarantees that the weapon will be needed again. Obviously that's not the case here (zombies stay dead), but it's still distracting. It could be that the zombie blood will infect Harrelson, but that's never made clear enough to know the reasoning for certain.
  • It's not the performances, however, that make the movie so good.
I specifically wrote this line because my editor initially added a line about how the performance made this movie good despite the thin plot. While he was right that the initial draft needed rewriting, he was wrong about that point. The performances are good -- the movie overall is well cast -- but that's not why it's so laugh out loud funny.
  • It's the off-beat "rules" Eisenberg's invented for survival and particularly the movie's illustration of said rules.
No, seriously. Not only is the soccer mom running from little girl zombies, they're little girl zombies dressed as princesses. That shit is priceless. And, as you can see, unrelated to the performances of the main players. It's all about direction (including set and art direction) and writing here.
  • First time feature director Ruben Fleischer owes a debt to Shaun of the Dead (which he sort of acknowledges)
Which he also sort of makes fun of in having Eisenberg explain not to be stingy with bullets (the double tap) by cracking that it's not a cricket bat. They had to improvise!

Nitpicky as I am, I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. It's funny as all get out, and, though I am not good with horror, I do love a good dose of GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! B+

Friday, September 25, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: ? - September 25

Oops. I just left this sitting here instead of publishing it. Old news!

The curious appeal of miscellanea - The Boston Globe

David Denby goes on the hunt for snark, abuse in a public forum | Books | The Guardian

BBC NEWS | UK | Scotland | Wire writer says adverts kill TV

Fox sets 'Fantastic' reboot - Entertainment News, Film News, Media - Variety

Classic literature can take whatever we throw at it | Art and design | guardian.co.uk

Cliché, cliché, go away | Film | A.V. Club

The habit Hollywood can't seem to kick: Remakes | The Big Picture | Los Angeles Times

Evan Rachel Wood and Alexander Skarsgard Reportedly Canoodling -- Vulture -- Entertainment & Culture Blog -- New York Magazine

YouTube - Senator Al Franken draws map of USA

Forgotten Memories Are Still in Your Brain | Wired Science | Wired.com

New Season - Movies - Exploring New Routes to the Indies - NYTimes.com

A look at new paintings by Bob Dylan | Culture Monster | Los Angeles Times

Golden Girl Betty White wins career honour

Reading Kafka 'enhances cognitive mechanisms', claims study | Books | guardian.co.uk

Valery Gergiev: The passion that drives the ultra patriot | Ed Vulliamy | Music | The Observer

When have we not been in the midst of a vampire craze? - By Christopher Beam and Chris Wilson - Slate Magazine

Lack of sleep linked to Alzheimer's - health - 24 September 2009 - New Scientist

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Extract (2009)

The worlds that writer-director Mike Judge creates are so richly observed and true to life that it's almost (almost) worth waiting a decade for a spiritual sequel to Office Space. Idiocracy, while a clever satire in its own right, never quite comes to fruition the way these two movies do. With Judge at the helm, it's comedy first, life lessons later (or not at all).

Jason Bateman plays Joel, the owner of an extract plant on the verge of being bought out by General Mills. Naturally, this is the moment when Joel is beset by problems: his wife (Kristen Wiig) has ceased having sex with him, a freak accident puts an employee (Clifton Collins Jr.) out of commission, and a grifter (Mila Kunis) arrives to capitalize on this disaster.

While the movie sort of gives shortshrift to Wiig's hilarity in favour of Kunis' charms, it's also got one helluva supporting cast to offer plenty of other laughs from Ben Affleck's delightfully spaced out bartender to Dustin Milligan's hilariously blank gigolo to David Koechner's insanely obtuse neighbour.

At the centre of it all, we have Bateman playing what surely must be known as a Jason Bateman-type. It's sort of a wry everyman who reacts to the insanity around him with deadpan hilarity. There are variations: on Arrested Development, for example, Michael was also a complete narcissist. Mind you, that's not all he can do (cf. the sleaze he played in State of Play). On the other hand, who doesn't love this character? Who doesn't want to see Bateman grow rich playing him? If anything, the conflict that moves much of the plot forward is the movie's least believable element: who wouldn't have sex with Jason Bateman?

And even if you're not into that (but let's admit it: you are), Judge's instant (cult?) classic set pieces and set ups should keep you in quotes for weeks to come. Is there any better reason to see a movie? B+

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"And, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy."

I don't actually discuss any full frontal male nudity in my latest Culture article, but I do tackle the heyday of gratuitous sex scenes: 80s action movies. You're welcome!

What's that? Two articles in two weeks? I guess you're lucky, kid.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Hurt Locker (2008)

Allow me to alarm you: what we have here is a movie worth seeing this summer that lives up to its hype.

Director Kathryn Bigelow, working from a script by Mark Boal (whose only previously produced work is In the Valley of Elah), quotes "war is a drug" at the opening and then makes good on that promise.

Inside of 131 minutes, bombs will detonate, people will be shot, and the truly terrifying thing is getting up and going through it the next day. Bigelow excels at creating tension so that no two diffusions are the same and the audience will never be sure who will make it to the next scene.

The movie is anchored by compelling, human performances across the board. Whether it is in the script or no, Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, and Brian Geraghty refuse to allow their characters to slip archetypes of maverick, by the book, and the green soilder caught between them, respectively. Geraghty finds time to give his character quiet confidence, while Mackie explores Sanborn's short fuse.

All of it supports Renner's finely calibrated performance. At no point will he let his character be any one thing, and he will not make it easy for you to figure him out. There are always more layers, each of them revealing a solid human being, so fully flesh-and-blood that your connection is difficult to shake after you leave the theatre. It doesn't hurt that he possesses the kind of sex appeal that draws you in slowly and hooks you for life.

A couple of shots recalled Lord of War, but this is a better movie than that. Barry Ackroyd is probably the better DP. In The Wind That Shakes the Barley, he showed us how guerrilla warfare can make a homeland seem alien and inhospitable. Here, he takes an alien and inhospitable land in a time of war and makes it home. The desert's embrace may be unfamiliar but at least it's warm.

The triumph of Bigelow's production, much like triumph of its performances, is in its ability to keep you guessing. The plot is constantly twisting away from you and not in the Shyamalan "gotcha!" way. Instead, the uncertainty rings palpably, petrifying true. Having Guy Pearce, David Morse, and Ralph Fiennes show up is just gravy. A

Friday, July 24, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: July 11 - 24

Ryan Reynolds lands Green Lantern role

Writing Pictures: Ann Hornaday on the Art of the Hollywood Screenplay

As Music Mags Fall, Pitchfork Is Booming

Andrew Sarris - A Survivor of Film Criticism’s Heroic Age

Daniel Radcliffe Aces Interview With Terrified 11-Year-Old Reporter

Tate perfects the modern art of living dangerously

Female Directors, Still A Scarce Movie Commodity

Chace Crawford Moves Out of Ed Westwick's Apartment

... | The New York Observer

Leonard Cohen's heard enough of Hallelujah

Third 'Bridget Jones' in works

Austen in sea monster mash-up

Emmy Nominations Announced!

Artistic tendencies linked to 'schizophrenia gene'

The privileged Westerner’s guide to talking about the rest of the world

Valery Gergiev: The Ring master

Report says doom and gloom of movie biz means make more movies!

Former CBS anchor Walter Cronkite dies

The Tyranny of Choice

Jane Austen tames Tombstone

True Blood's Christian Conservative Vampire-Hater Speaks Out

Target’s Book Club Can Make Sleepy Titles Into Best Sellers

Sam Raimi plays 'Warcraft'

Researchers Train Minds to Move Matter

The end of the affair: five of the best breakup movies

Singer gets his revenge on United Airlines and soars to fame

Twilight 2 Soundtrack to Feature Non-Belchy Thom Yorke Track

Jeffrey Wells Is on Team Edward

Today’s Swooniest Brit Actors

Thursday, July 23, 2009

"You can't be gay for one person. Unless you're a lady. And you meet Ellen."

Oh, Lemon, you are wrong on that account. You can be plenty gay for just one person. It happens on damn near every TV show I watch. That's why my latest Culture article is a HoYay round up.

And if you're not keeping up with the advice column, you probably have no idea how to deal with the first of May. Send your May Day questions or questions about any other day of the year to advice@culturemagazine.ca.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Short Take: A pile of ticket stubs and you

Alright, I've just gathered up a loose collection of ticket stubs from various locations (on my desk, that pile next to my desk, that other pile near my desk). We're going to go through them in the order they appear. And so . . .

Two Lovers (2008)

Writer-director James Gray remains a fascinating, fatalistic director with a fantastic sense of place. Though romance isn't his forte, the combination of Joaquin Phoenix, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Vinessa Shaw is potent. Phoenix is in fine form as always, perhaps even finer, as a suicidal man pushed toward a caring family friend (Shaw) but drawn toward the troubled shiksa upstairs (Paltrow). The ending is either the happiest or saddest one you could imagine and probably both. B-

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Leave it to writer-director Sam Raimi to come back to horror with a PG-13 comedy. It's the slickest entry in the hor-com subgenre since Shaun of the Dead and twice as silly. Every time you think it couldn't get sillier, it's genuinely scary. Just when you really start to freak, the demon breaks into a jg. "You shame me" deserves its own place in the lexicon. B+

Adoration (2008)

Naturally the first Atom Egoyan movie I sit through is as herky-jerky as this one. Even when you make it to the end and the plot sorts itself out, it still doesn't make any sense. And as a post-9/11 commentary, it comes awfully late to make what amounts to broad points. Excellent choice if you are in the mood for some Canadian eye candy. C

Bart Got a Room (2008)

When did 80s fashions become code for quirk? Everyone looks and acts like it's 1987, and then Alia Shawkat rolls up in a Neon to completely throw everything off. Though the cast (Shawkat, William H. Macy, Cheryl Hines, and newcomer Steven Kaplan) are a likable mix, the movie never really moves beyond the obvious. Not a waste if you happen to stumble upon it, but certainly not worth the effort to seek out. C

Nightwatching (2007)

Such an interesting premise, such boring execution. Writer-director Peter Greenaway sets and lights every scene like it is a Rembrandt, the net result being that you can't see half of what's going on. You also can't understand half the dialogue -- thanks to the think accents -- even when the characters address the camera directly. When you're going theatrical, why go halfway? Too bad for Martin Freeman in a rare dramatic lead. It suits him. D

Gomorrah (2008)

Possibly one of the bleakest movies ever made. Director Matteo Garrone deftly lays out five glamour-free Mafia-centred stories in Naples that combine in an interlocking system of oppression from which there is no escape. Despite the lack of uplift, it's surprisingly urgent, even necessary, viewing. A-

Friday, July 03, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: June 20 - July 3

1) I typed "poop culture." Twice.

2) Two weeks worth is a lot of stuff to make pithy comments about, so I'll give it to you as is. Maybe I'll go back and add some thoughts later.

Movies online: The future is (almost) here

Small windows cramp big movies

Pop What You Preach!

Crazy in Love: A new book makes the case for passionate obsession.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Shows His Fierce Sensitivity in '500 Days of Summer'

Exile on Madison Avenue: Goings On

Can women write about sex?

A Wandering Mind Heads Toward Insight

The Hurt Locker’s Jeremy Renner on His Bomb-Dismantling Playlist

Movies offer escape. Theatre lets us understand

How DVD marketing is rewriting the history of film.

Beatles poster sells for $50,000

Zac Efron to topline thriller for Mandate

Oscar expands best pic noms to 10

A Candy Q&A: 'True Blood' star Stephen Moyer answers your questions

Nazi Loot Recovery Is Slow, Arbitrary, Claimants’ Groups Say

Holocaust Conference Urges More Efforts on Looted Art

Historian probes origins of letter found in wall at MFA

Film Scores

Academy may silence original-song Oscar

Art criticism is not a democracy

Inside the Classics: A Critic Runs Smack Into The 21st Century

OMG: New Blonde Replaces Gossip Girl’s Serena!

Canadians Seth Rogen, Michael Cera named Oscar judges

Rembrandt: a portrait of the artist as a young lad

Bravo, Sarah Jessica Parker launching art-themed reality series

What are the greatest gangster movies?

Stop the Music: Oscar Misses the Melody

Godfather loser, Hollywood legend

Public Enemies (2009)

This summer has offered a pretty bland movie going experience so far, and Public Enemies is no exception. Perhaps I set myself up to be disappointed after highly anticipating the movie for so long. Perhaps not.

The movie begins with two of the exact type of gangbuster sequences you would want it to: John Dillinger (Johnny Depp) organizes a jail break, and Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) guns down Pretty Boy Floyd (Channing Tatum, and that's all you'll see of him). Two driven, organized, powerful men at cross purposes that are bound to crash into each other. Heat for the Great Depression. Those two sequences are . . . mildly tense.

Director and co-writer Michael Mann has lost his edge. His last effort, Miami Vice, suffered from the same inert, distanced quality that puts, if anything, a fifth wall between the audience and the story. There's no way to get involved because there's nothing to get involved in. Forcing Jaime Foxx to quote The Eagles didn't do the movie any favours either.

Possibly worse was when I realized that I had seen this movie before, only better. No, not Heat, although I am sure that's what everyone was thinking. It's The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Both are long, introspective looks at famous criminals and the men that killed them, peeling back the layers to reveal a criminal who has accepted said death as inevitable and a killer who cannot yet grasp the consequences of his actions. Assassination was exactly like the winter it depicted: cold, haunted, and delicate enough to contain the tender promise of spring.

Public Enemies
is none of those things. It's dull when it should be exciting (unless it intended to make bank robbing look boring with occasional spatters of violence) and tepid when it should be hot (there's something weirdly chemistry free about the pairing of super hotties Depp and Marion Cotillard). Elliot Goldenthal's score is mismatched the few minutes it is used. Otis Taylor's "Ten Million Slaves" works far better when it comes up.

Mostly though, I would have killed for some exposition, which is a strange complaint for a movie that's 140 minutes long. But why is Purvis so innovative yet inept? What kind of man is he? Why is Dillinger so sad?* What's with Billie (Cotillard) and Dillinger's fatalistic take on relationships?

To say that Depp, Bale, and Cotillard offer great performances** is to say nothing at all. We already know that they are great performers. Mann drummed the personality and magnetism right out of them, and, in doing so, nearly drummed it right out of the movie. There's enough in the story (and the supporting cast) to make the movie worth watching, but it's almost in spite of Mann. Plus, Depp did me the great favour of singing, as it's next to impossible for me to see him in jail and not expect him to burst into song. C+

*Truly, if you could only use one word to describe Depp's take on Dillinger, it would be "sad." Ironic given that others will describe him as "jolly," and I think it may have been ironic on purpose. There's one for you, movie!

**Purvis' walk, in particular, killed me. It was a nice contrast to Dillinger's swagger and stomp.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Little Ashes (2008)

I'm sure I've said this before, but it bears repeating: the worst thing a movie can do is be boring. Not matter what else you do, if you can't get the audience to pay attention, you've got nothing.

It's unclear exactly how writer Philippa Goslett and director Paul Morrison couldn't find a single interesting element in the lives of Federico García Lorca (Javier Beltrán), Salvador Dalí (Robert Pattinson), and Luis Buñuel (Matthew McNulty). Talented and passionate artists forged, in part, in fascism and war, so let's . . . put a tragic love story in the centre. Okay, that might not be so bad.

It wouldn't be, again, if it weren't so boring. Often in fiction, the best romances are forbidden, and the hottest relationships are unconsummated. Here we have one that's both, but it's never possible to get swept up, in part, because the characters never do. Lorca and Dalí should be consumed by an overwhelming passion that drives them to break the rules, but all it really leads to is poetry (sexy?) and some unexplained combination of brattiness and psychological dysfunction* (weird).

Part of it is that Beltrán holds back while forgetting to suggest that his character is the one holding back. Emily pointed out that saying all his lines as though he is in physical pain just seems to be Pattinson's acting style, and, while we agreed that is makes a certain amount of sense for Edward, it makes a certain amount of sense here, too. I think he's trying to suggest the difficultly in expressing anything, especially anything that might be approaching truth, when one is so dedicated to artifice. Of course, the problem is that's what I think he's trying to suggest. That could just be how he acts.

Mostly, though, it all just seems like a waste of McNulty, whose momentary teary-eyed realization of the affair is possibly the best acted moment in the entire production. Morrison, I loved Solomon and Gaenor, but I think I might have just been high on the Gruffudd factor. Tragic love stories may have seemed your thing, but this time you disappoint. C-

*By which I only mean that he is portrayed as having some sort of mental problem.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: June 13 - 19

That's definitely an improvement over Paul Haggis.

Heh. I just read a story about how much more Internet savvy we are as a nation, too.

"But America’s film critics, an ornery lot, are not dead yet." Thank goodness.

Huzzah! I may have a morbid fascination with the idea of a new Whedon-less Buffy, but this is something I have no interest in seeing resurrected.

To the Zip List! Well, perhaps not.

This does not surprise me. Until we find proof that there are boatloads of unproduced scripts about women at every age and stage, I'd suggest that the people don't seem to understand how to write women, generally, and women's friendships, specifically. I would never want to be part of a reality show, but I can almost guarantee that if you were to follow my best friend and me for any length of time, you would find fodder for hundreds of characters, TV shows, and movies.

Yes , obviously. Relentlessly unfunny is the way this thing should go, given how relentless unnecessary the idea is.

If I could have only found a third 1959 story this week, the sentence, "Suddenly, 1959 is everywhere," would be true.

This is just a saying in my family.

Stories like this make me think that either my friends and I defy all demographic trends or that the survey techniques they use are subtle enough to capture their true markets. We do rent movies like guys, I'm told.

I laughed a little at this because I am mean. I also laugh a little at things like this. And things like this just make me happy.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Wolverine, Star Trek, & Terminator Salvation

2009: The summer in tent poles (so far)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

This movie does not, as I had previously thought, have a double colon in the title. They are missing out. Of course, the movie's also missing things like interesting characters, plots that make sense, and my attention. Punctuation's the least of their worries. Screenwriters David Benioff and Skip Woods seem to have thought of this movie backwards from action set pieces (cool guys don't look at explosions) and then filled out the bare minimum of plot between them. Gambit (Taylor Kitsch, deciding to do little in the Cajun accent department, but otherwise rocking) was cut from the first movie because of the budget, yet they're still doing the least they possibly can with the character. And for what? So we can laugh when Logan (Hugh Jackman, who I always want to type as Huge Jackman - that's his porn name) cuts a sink in half with his new adamantium claws? So we can get a backstory on his amnesia that makes no sense whatsoever? So Liev Schreiber can run around making his evil villain the most fun (and dangerous) character in the proceedings? Actually, that's kind of worth the price of admission. Though, like Watchmen, the movie is never so good as its opening montage (as Jimmy and Victor go from war to war over more than a century, Jimmy becoming disillusioned and Victor gradually losing his humanity), Schreiber's line reading on "Ooo, shiny," is too good to describe. He deserves a better movie. D

Star Trek

J.J. Abrams, look at you! Here we have something that doesn't start in the middle, makes sense without endless exposition, and is a heck of a lot of fun in the interim. Apparently you and scribes Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman are finally figuring these things out. Best of all, you found an inventive way to reboot the entire series that works. And really, I don't know if I've ever seen anything as badass as a 12 year-old driving a car off a cliff. Chris Pine may be an excellent Kirk, all cocksure swagger with just the right stripe of intelligence to pull it off, but Zachary Quinto as Spock owns that movie from start to finish. So long as you've got those two in place, you're set. Well, kickass Bruce Greenwood, dreamy Karl Urban, and adorable Simon Pegg and Anton Yelchin don't hurt either. This might be going some place good. Maybe cool it with the solar flares next time, though. B+

Terminator Salvation

Another colon-less confusing title! Another Anton Yelchin movie! In this case he goes from being adorable with an overblown accent and a head of curls, to, quite frankly, a little bit sexy with his tight pants and guns and the come-with-me-if-you-want-to-lives. The casting is spot on for this kid to grow into Michael Biehn. I have no idea why writers John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris (and the legions of other writers brought on to do rewrites, of course) chose to saddle him with a little mute girl and then didn't have the good sense to kill her (for pathos not my personal amusement), but what are you going to do? I'd rewrite this movie if I could. I'd tell McG to rethink the lighting scheme (not a joke), to give dreamboat Sam Worthington some direction other than "yell a lot," to give dreamboat Christian Bale some direction other than "brood." We get that he can brood, and we love that about him, we really do. I suspect that if I were hunted for the entirety of my life, I would brood a lot, too. But then I'd remember the immortal words of Roger Ebert, and I'd get the stick out of my ass. I'd remember that my character calls for imagination. Mostly, though, I'd call up those bastards in charge of cutting my trailers and ads and thank them for spoiling the only innovative twist the movie had going for it: do you know that Worthington's some kind of terminator? You do? Too bad the movie spends its entire first hour waiting for you to find that out. Bloody hell. There really ought to be some communication when it comes to these things. I don't know if I would have made the movie less boring, but I bet it would have been a good start. C

Friday, June 12, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: June 6 - 12

How dare you tell us how to commence!

At first I thought there was only one series in this gallery that I would want to see rebooted, but there were actually quite a few I wouldn't mind seeing a modern spin on.

I gotta say, I agree with the screen size and quality objections.

"The Pillars of the Earth, an eight-part series starring Donald Sutherland and Ian McShane, is to screen in 2010." I have no idea what that is, but I want to watch it.

"Does it matter that George Orwell pinched the plot?" Yeah?

I have no idea what many of these things mean.

30 ROCK is a rip-off of THE MUPPET SHOW! The headline really says it all.

Oh, thank goodness. Also, set your PVRs.

One of these will work on me.

I know that they're taking a mocking tone, but that's kind of awesome.

I need to start planning my vacation now.

Read the article on which Saturday Night Fever was based.

That's a good point.

Very true. Now when does she wear that t-shirt?

Friday, June 05, 2009

Pop Culture Round Up: May 30 - June 5

Vladimir's got your back if you need someone to tell you that firing people is no biggie.

"If the consumer marketplace allows useful, effective products to disappear, then what is it good for? Or who is it good for? Not the person who's buying."

Good.

I can't decide if this is awesome or just kind of weird. Don't you like interacting with clerks?

Head butt!

Lick it!

If I made this list, it would be entirely different.

He's just trying to appeal to all the old school geeks out there.

Sad.

It's the last one that really makes the list.

This is the most exciting Black Panther news since Em told me that Shirley Thomson used to be one. The internet does not confirm that tidbit, though.

I like how "increased appetite" is likened to terrible suffering.

Journaling made easy. You should give one to every 12 year-old girl you know to save her from looking back on bad poetry when she's older.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

"Oh, yeah? Me and my banana stand are going to kick your banana stand's ass!"

So many lovely treats for you over at the Bananas issue of Culture! First there's my latest article, a carefully culled list of bananas celebrities, hand-crafted by Sarah, Emily, and myself. Then you can move on to giggling at my bananas-themed YouTube picks, and finally settle down for some advice which, sadly, is not banana-related. If you have banana-related questions (or any questions really; the next theme is Sex), send them to advice@culturemagazine.ca.

And if you are not already doing so, don't forget to check out the mag's blog, as written by its editors. By which I mean, mostly Kevin and me.