Story: Although there is still pressure to take a husband, the Virgin Queen (Cate Blanchett) continues apace, facing rumours of assassination due to an alliance between the imprisoned Mary, Queen of Scots (Samantha Morton) and King Philip II of Spain (Jordi Mollà) and flirting with Walter Raleigh (Clive Owen). As Walsingham (Geoffrey Rush) ages and the assassination plot moves forward, Elizabeth must confront the very real threat of Holy War and the fall of England’s empire.
Once, some of us so hotly anticipated a sequel to a movie we had so thoroughly enjoyed that our enthusiasm convinced a young man who had not seen the original to attend the screening of the sequel. Sadly, that sequel was the second PotC, and the results were lamentable to say the least.
When this movie’s truly spectacular trailer started popping up, again people who had never seen the first seemed more than happy to see the second. Wanting to avoid a PotC: DMC repeat, we spent weeks tracking down the DVD of the original. We watched it, and Blanchett was just as captivating as remembered. And I completely forgot Daniel Craig’s subplot, so it was a pleasant surprise.
By the time this movie was released, the buzz wasn’t good. I haven’t read a review, mind you, but I could tell that the movie wasn’t going to be the glorious epic the trailer had promised. Far from it, as it turned out.
So I tried to keep my company’s expectations low. Unfortunately, I must not have kept my own low enough. This movie is wildly, inexplicably boring. At 114 minutes, it’s ten minutes shorter than Elizabeth: The Virgin Queen and nowhere near as good.
Blanchett displays little of the same fire and vulnerability she brought to the role nearly ten years ago. I think that was likely a conscious choice, as the first movie focused on a woman who abandoned the personal for the sake of the political and the second movie shows the consequences of that decision. Still, there’s a scene late in the movie where Elizabeth has absolutely unseemly meltdown over entirely the wrong thing, and I found myself thinking, “I don’t think Elizabeth would behave this way.” And later still, standing on that ridge in her robe, smiling at the CGI sight before her, “A little too happy.” I realize it might seem overly nit-picky for me to point these things out, but the first movie’s success is a direct result of Blanchett’s flawless performance. A single misstep has the potential to sink the ship. Even so, when she appeared before her troops in armour on a white horse, a fantastic long red wig flapping in the breeze, I thought, “Boudicca.” And really, wouldn’t that be great?
Blanchett’s ever-so-slightly wobbly performance aside, there are plenty of other elements that returning director Shekhar Kapur, returning writer Michael Hirst, and new co-writer William Nicholson manage to make thoroughly dull. The problem, at its core, is that they take on too much. Historical or not, not every plot and subplot improves the story for the viewer, and Kapur’s dreadful pacing helps not one bit.
Walsingham, as portrayed by the inestimable Rush, is the most intriguing carry-over character from the first movie, largely because he’s a mystery. We don’t know how he got that job, why he was in exile, or what motivates him. And that’s fantastic. Now he has a family and relationships. What the crap is that? Walsingham's life should be the subject of an entirely different movie not shoehorned into this mess. By taking away some of the enigma, they’ve taken away part of what made the original great.
The casting/characterization problems don’t end there. Mollà’s infantile take on Philip, scurrying around on reed thin legs, afraid of his own public, and Morton’s unhinged Mary rarely seem like worthy opponents for Elizabeth, although Morton does, oddly, find a scrap of dignity for Mary shortly before her death. Vidal Sancho, as the Spanish Ambassador, is a far more worthy antagonist even with his limited screen time. Owen (an actor so talented he can hold the audience rapt even with a sub par monologue) inexplicably has zero chemistry with either Abbie Cornish, as Elizabeth’s lady in waiting Bess, or with Blanchett. And, while I am not immune to appeal of gorgeous men in period clothes diving into bodies of water*, Kapur’s extended shot of Owen’s swim made it clear that he wouldn’t have known how to handle the battle scene even if he had had the budget to do it properly.
*Click on the right to watch and listen!
While all these flaws do make the movie boring, they also make the movie ripe fodder for a drinking game. Hey, it’s got that going for it! C-
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