Story: Will (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth (Keira Knightley), Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), and crew team up with Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris) and Singapore pirate Captain Sao Feng (Chow-Yun Fat) to find the world's end and rescue Jack (Johnny Depp), so he can help put a stop to Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander) and Davy Jones' (Bill Nighy) reign of terror.Even though the pre-credits sequence aimed at "political" and ended up hitting "reminiscent of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves*" and even though The Hater has proclaimed the movie/franchise unbearable, I am here to tell you that it is the opposite of unbearable. This third installment is downright . . . tolerable! It's occasionally enjoyable! Sometimes good!
What? If you may recall, the second one was awful. Anything better than insufferable is an marked improvement.
*Which rocks, so they've got that going for them.
Mind you, the movie's far from perfect. The movie's really Elizabeth heavy. Listen, writers Ted Elliott and Ted Rossio, you cannot convince me that absolutely everyone is hot for Knightley. She's got no shape to her. Her hair was slightly
better this time around (bad dye job, better styling), but her unflattering lipstick remained in place. Also, still not much going on in the acting department for this one. Her big rousing speech? Had me rolling my eyes. Her credulity straining interest in Jack (still, again, some more)? Impossible. It's the same problem every time: Knightley over-reaches. The best way to approach most of her scenes would be with subtlety and nuance, and she blows them nearly every time. It's odd because her scenes with Bloomers work really well (they have a sweet, understated chemistry), and her desire for adventure comes across clearly. Putting the focus on her only emphasizes how under-prepared Knightley is to carry the bulk of the movie.Will and Elizabeth are apparently not talking when the movies opens, although the first scene with both confirms their love for and fidelity to one another. Elizabeth is in some danger or vaguely sexually threatened? Cut to Will clenching. Elizabeth does something smart/clever/inspirational? Cut to Will looking all kinds of turned on. Hee. Bloomers gives a great reaction shot. Yes, young Bloomers remains one of the greatest enigmas Elfin April has ever faced. When he's silent, when it's simple, Bloomers hits the mark. Anything more complex, and he tends to veer off course. It makes him the perfect candidate for these sort of movies, actually, as they run straight. Maybe typecasting wouldn't be such a shame for him after all.
As for Depp, what's left to be said? He's fey, and we all love it. His hair was still more dready and less braidy, but I can live with that so long as I can watch that scene with Keith Richards as Captain Teague over and over again. Elliott and Rossio, however, need to cool it a bit with their love of Jack. You'll see what I mean.
Also: Cutler is totally hot for Jack (admit it, you saw it, too). Rush appears to be having a ball. Norrington got boring again after putting back on the powdered wig. The one-eyed man and his scraggly haired companion finally get names. Stellan Skarsgård steals every scene he's in, breaking hearts along the way. This FAQ makes the post-final-credits sequence confusing.
In all my writing on the subject, I have failed to mention Hans Zimmer's delightful score. It's catchy in a way that you don't mind having in your head for days, allowing you to recall the best parts of the high seas adventure and dump the rest.
Despite the fact that it's too long and way too heavy on elements and sub-plots best left to the fishes, it's still a far more palatable entry than the second. If it were to end here, I think it's something we could all look back on and smile. Not a bad way to lose an afternoon. B+
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