Weekend update: The Amazing Spider-Man and Cosmopolis

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

© Columbia Pictures

Shortly after I saw The Amazing Spider-Man, a friend asked me how I would rate it. I gave her the letter grade, which she didn't get (she went to a school that didn't use them, apparently), so I gave her a percentage instead. She was shocked by my answer. First I tried to explain it away as the movie starting at a deficit with me because 1) I love Spider-Man and 2) I love the Sam Raimi Spider-Mans. That doesn't really explain it, though, and it's not really fair. It's more like this.

Anything other than the acting in this movie kind of sucks.

It has all the right elements: Peter developing the webs 'cause he's such a super-smarty, Gwen Stacy as his first love, Curt Connors doing wrong by trying to do right. All of those things work because the people playing them are so phenomenally well-cast (if you weren't already in love with Andrew Garfield, I don't know how much longer you will be able to hold out). It's all as it should be: Peter realizes a little something about himself and about growing up, and it gives him a confidence he never knew was always waiting inside him. But he's still a spaz who has to bury his head in his hands because what did he just say. And that Footloose-esqe moment of discovery . . . man, oh man.

But it's not right. Marc Webb's an excellent people director, but he doesn't have the visual elegance to craft an action sequence worth following. The score is horrendously distracting (really, James Horner, banging on the piano keys? Have you grown bored?). The plot is sketchy and oddly suggests that we really need to know Flash's back story. Flash! I live Chris Zylka and wish him well, post-Secret Circle, but c'mon. Forget about Richard Parker's amazing scientific discoveries and his dun Dun DUN!

It's like this -- if you don't put a crocodile snout on The Lizard, he risks looking like a turtle without his shell. B-

And, quite frankly, Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire own the New York Subway. Don't even go there. 

Cosmopolis (2012)

It's probably not a good sign when you start to wonder, "Why is this happening? Why is this happening to me?" while watching a movie. It's happening because I paid for it to happen. It's possible that I'm a masochist.

I'd be lying if I pretended that anything other than morbid curiosity drew me to this project. Von Pattinson? Cronenberg? Are we flipping maps again because that is some topsy-turvy shit.

I'll never fully fail a Cronenberg movie because I can't argue with the man's technical gifts or high level of commitment to the messages of his products. But beyond that, man. If I wanted to watch a movie that required so much work and delivered so little pay off, I'd probably watch Haneke again. D

Pop Culture Round Up: October 16 - 29

CBC News - Film - Bonjour tristesse

Decisions on Mates and Products share Criteria | Smart Journalism. Real Solutions. Miller-McCune.

What Creates Buzz? - WSJ.com

The insiders' guide to the arts | Culture | The Guardian

CBC News - Film - Comedy awards pick Less Than Kind, Trotsky

Does the Internet Make You Smart or Dumb? : Discovery News

“Upcycling” turns garbage into useful products. But is it really green? : This Magazine

Is Pure Altruism Possible? - NYTimes.com

The decline of video stores: Here's what we lose when our video stores close - chicagotribune.com

Do Intelligent People Drink More Alcohol? : Discovery News

How the web blurs the line between truth and falsehood : This Magazine

Pop Culture Round Up: July 17 - 30

Oops . . . forgot to publish this one.

Netflix video-on-demand expands to Canada

Bureaucracy Meets Art, Delighting Christo

Among Celebrities, Mystery’s Not Fashionable

A new type of tear-jerker

Another reason for voting reform: Parliament needs women

Hooray for Budapest: Is Hungary the New Hollywood of Europe?

TV's Celebrity Guest Star Epidemic: What's in It for Them?

Digital movie standard tackles format hurdles

The Strange Gender-Humor Divide in Fake-Real News Shows

Jay Baruchel Broke Apatow Ranks to Make The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and It Didn’t Work Out So Well
You can read my response to this here.

Bollywood flops take-off on TV

Why The Next Big Pop-Culture Wave After Cupcakes Might Be Libraries

Armond White: “I Do Think It Is Fair To Say That Roger Ebert Destroyed Film Criticism”

Ernest Hemingway Stories As Told By George Plimpton

The fine art of recommending books

L.A. Artist's 37-Year-Old Nudity Too Much For YouTube

Alfred Molina joins Law & Order L.A.

NoizeMC, aka Ivan Alexeyev, and Russian Rap Inspire a Movement

Verbed!

It's a name game with hybrid fruits

Gay tango festival puts new spin on Argentine dance

Hollywood is squandering one of its greatest comedic resources: Paul Rudd.

Lee Pace to Play Edward's BFF in Breaking Dawn?
Please, please let this come true.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)

It's obvious Disney wants to turn The Sorcerer's Apprentice into their next Pirates of the Caribbean or at least the next National Treasure, but I don't think that's going to work. I've been trying to pinpoint why. The Sorcerer's Apprentice is no Pirates, but surely Nicholas Cage and director Jon Turtletaub could create another Treasure, right?

Bear in mind that I realize that this is Disney we're talking about here, but I think the problem is that there are no stakes. The Chosen One is a story that's been done to death, but, as far as magic goes, the Chosen One is owned by Harry Potter at this point in the cultural lexicon. Those books, and by consequence the movies, grew with their readers: they got progressively darker as Harry (and the reader) got older. So to drop us into a story where the Boy Wizard Sorcerer is 20 and to at no point give us any reason to think his life might be imperiled by the ones who want him dead is a misstep. Sure, Max (Alfred Molina) keeps saying that he's going to kill Dave (Jay Baruchel), but, when presented with a prime opportunity, he doesn't even try! Doesn't even knock him unconscious. Pull it together, villains.

And while we're talking villains, can someone please explain to me the value in ending the world? Remember way back in the glorious second season of Buffy, when Spike allied with Buffy over Angelus mostly to get Dru back but partly because he didn't see the appeal of ending the world anyway? I always think of that little speech ("like Happy Meals with legs") whenever villains want to end the world in movies and on TV because then you die, too, moron. Unless that's the point, in which case kill yourself and save us the trouble. Selfish. Anyway, it's later clarified that the world "as we know it" will end, which is another thing entirely. I can see why you'd want to do something about that.

But I digress. So here are these characters, locked in mortal combat for over a millennium, waiting to find the Prime Merlinian, so they can release Morgana Le Fey (bully for Max), so Dave can kill her (bully for Balthazar (Cage)). Even when your outcome is a foregone conclusion, you can still build some suspense. But all the suspense I felt was of the tying the plot elements together variety: "I wonder how the Tesla coils will fit into this." "Oh, there we go." Did I wonder if Dave would accept his destiny and live up to his potential? Of course not. And not just 'cause it was a movie. Because it was a deliberately lighthearted movie. I've seen Baruchel in some dark places before (Just Buried), so I'm sure he can bring it. The movie didn't want to go there, so none of the actors did either.

That's not so bad, I suppose. It certainly means a less hammy Cage than you might expect. If anything, he and Molina are having a helluva time being just hammy enough. Despite the lack of pathos, Baruchel is still charming and a comic find. Plus you've got Toby Kebbell up in there (between this and Prince of Persia, I'm starting to wonder if he's got a three picture deal at Disney) poking hilarious fun at Criss Angel (just like that great episode of Supernatural!), so it's a good time. A fluffy, frothy, fitfully fun good time.

I don't know. It's like the Fantasia sequence: it feels like it was just dropped in the middle with no thought about how to properly integrate it into the story. It doesn't suit the character (a guy who has little confidence in his magic suddenly opts for a big spell?), and it involves a comical amount of mops and brooms (didn't they replicate themselves in the original? Okay, after Mickey splintered the first broom). Instead of wondering how this will end or laughing at the dedicated cleaning crew, I was baffled by the sheer abundance of mops and brooms. Why would an unauthorized lab space in an abandoned subway roundabout have all these cleaning supplies? Did Dave put them there? See?! These are the wrong things to be thinking about. But there's no tension or suspense to stop my mind from spinning. C+

Also, maybe screenwriters and the world and I should have a little talk about how we could have tweaked the Becky (Teresa Palmer) plotline a little so it came across as more of a "what if?" thing instead of a creepy, weird thing. Not that it's played it that way, but that's what you would think if some dude thought of a grade school crush as the One That Got Away. Also, why is Becky a freshman? SEE?!

Pop Culture Round Up: July 10 - 16, 2010

Breaking Dawn to film in B.C., Baton Rouge

The Creativity Crisis

Much ado about women: Modern-day reading or distortion?

Too Hollyweird for Hollywood? David Lynch asks fans to help fund his movies

EXCLUSIVE: Marvel confirms they will hire new Hulk for The Avengers
May I suggest Eric Bana?

Bella and Edward Who? Real-Estate Tycoon Deconstructs Twilight
This is amazing.

Discovering Canada's cool capital

Court rules against FCC policies on indecency

The story of pink

The bookcase you'll want to live in Historians locate King Arthur's Round Table

Mark Ruffalo In Late-Stage Talks To Be Marvel’s New Hulk in ‘The Avengers’
The Buffalo!

HBO Picks Up Dustin Hoffman Drama

Vulture’s Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Type Guide to Casting Sensitive Geeks
Quick, guess which one I got on the first try!

Tales from New Orleans
There's a larger thing brewing in me about about literature and New Orleans and Treme and feminism, but we're not quite there yet.

Jay Baruchel to get ACTRA award

Colonoscopy: It’s Time to Check Your Colons
The punctuation mark which I am addicted to. It used to be semi-colons.

How Caravaggio saw in the dark

William Faulkner Goes Online, 50 Years Later

The Smart Set: I Like Candy
I had no idea you could use the word "existential" and its permutations so many times in an article about rediscovering candy in middle age.

The Smart Set: Theater of the Completely Normal

It's Complicated, Sherlock Holmes, Before Sunset, The Book of Eli: Movies on a Plane

On one hand, selecting your own movie from a fairly well stocked list makes plane travel that much more enjoyable. On the other hand, that teeny screen six inches from your face changes your perspective, doesn't it?

It's Complicated (2009)

I don't ever think I've seen Meryl Streep this sexy before. She's certainly having the time of her life (to be honest, she seems to be having the time of her life all the time lately. It's great to be Meryl Streep these days), and Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are right there with her for the most part. Too bad the movie is endlessly distracting with it's "oh, look at the problems of these affluent white people" attitude. I mean, that's all Nancy Meyers movies, but I am telling you it stands out more starkly this time around. You've "earned" a reno to make your massive, gorgeous house even more massive and gorgeous? Seriously, every one's like, "I'm so happy you're getting the reno you've always wanted," and, while I get that a perfect kitchen is the great white whale for a chef or baker, could we cool it with the cooing for a minute? Wouldn't it be hilarious if Meyers were to one day find out that people who work at say, NGOs, never make all that much money? She should write a romantic comedy about them. They need love, too. B-

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

A RE-view! We haven't had one of those in forever. It mostly held up the way I remembered it, but I did find it even more slow moving this time around. How long does it take to get to the plot? Also, I'm not sure how I feel about using the same tricks twice in the one movie (both Holmes planning out an attack in slow-mo, then we see it in real time, and when he pulls off some feat, and we go back to see how he got there). Still, the slow pace gave me more time to appreciate Hans Zimmer's score and the dinner at the Royale. I love that Law is styled after Tsar Nicholas II in that scene. B

Before Sunset (2004)

I can hardly believe that the movie keeps affecting me the same way, but it does: such exquisite agony. By now I know the rhythms and what conversations to expect, and it works for the film. I find myself nearly breathless in anticipation for Jesse to tell Celine he was there or for her to reveal that she thinks all her relationships since have paled in comparison to their one night. And then, there they are in her apartment, one waltz later and Nina Simone on the soundtrack. He is going to miss his plane. It's been six years. Is that enough time to start work on a sequel? A+

The Book of Eli (2010)

It's tough to say because I didn't finish this one, but I'm going to say it anyway: there is a zero percent chance that God wants to you to cross the country killing people when they threaten you but stand by while others are attacked, Eli. Thanks for coming out.

And since we're here, check out my Canadian Cinema Canon on The Trotsky.

She's Out of My League (2010)

I went into this one with my eyes open but perhaps too wide: I fully expected this movie to suck horribly. Basically, I thought I would go see it because I like Jay Baruchel, I would like him in it, and that would be the end of it. Surprisingly, it's not.

It's not high above* the level of suckage I initially anticipated, and that's not necessarily a knock against it. It does play like a raunchy, less carefully plotted version of The 40 Year-Old Virgin, and I think a lot more work needed to go into Kirk's (Baruchel) friend circle. Devon (Nate Torrence), the married-young-and-still-innocent one, and Jack (Mike Vogel), the ladies' man (maybe?), were ill-defined but still more likable than Stainer (T.J. Miller), who gets the majority of the screen time and seemingly holds stronger sway over Kirk for reasons that are again unclear. Aside from the fact that they all work at the same place, I couldn't really get a handle on the bond between them, and I think it damaged the movie overall because Kirk's relationship with his friends plays a big role in his perception and handling of his relationship with Molly (Alice Eve).

In case the broadsheet didn't make it clear, the entire plot is found in its tagline: How can a 10 go for a 5? Eve's quite sweet in the role, and there's an awkward chemistry between her and Baruchel that rings true. Beneath the sex-farce, there's a better movie about the value of confidence and its ability to overcome a host of real and perceived relationship shortcomings. Aside from two drawn-out "set piece" jokes that would have been best left on the cutting room floor, though, the finished product isn't too far off from that idea. C

Also, Krysten Ritter (Gia of V-Mars fame) totally rocks as the bitchy best friend.

*Was "She's So High Above Me" on the soundtrack? Yes, yes it was.

Pop Culture Round Up: December 20 - January 9

I'm still getting all caught up, you know?

Inglorious Basterds finally gets a release date.

Sort of to the side of Criticism in Crisis, but still good to know.

More Criticism in Crisis reactions.

"Normally, a picture is worth a thousand words. But during blurb season, the laws of nature are reversed." Which is why I head to the movies and see giant Rolling Stone reviews in the place of cardboard cutouts.

Yay, Lauren Graham on TV again!

Speaking of, this reminds me of that Gilmore Girls episode where the town loner wanted to hang a giant sign from the bell tower.

Heh. This list is so curmudgeonly.

What if the movie is the only way you are going to get to see it?

Gak! Brain pain!

Check the slide show.

Gah, this bugs. Won't they at least need him for the before scenes?

They certainly don't seem as inventive as they could be.

Wouldn't be against it!

Why is this news to me? Also, is it just me or does Pegg look particularly foxy in that photo?

Do NOT take this away from us, Judge.

More art to be returned.

Sad.

But scientists, Army, and Al Gore got in the way.

Yes, but are they ideal for a certain song by Spinal Tap?

Not the point: Possession is finally coming out? Dude, I wrote about that last February.

Also not the point: In answer to your last question, no, but maybe he should consider it.

Listen, while that is the best part of Fantasia, what the hell? Just . . . why? Maybe it will be cool. I have my doubts, but maybe.

How cute is the "why am I marrying him?" gallery? (Psst, you have to click on the left to get to it)

I misread this headline and thought one crazy movie was in store.

And in honour of my best friend's most recent birthday.

'Tis the season:

National Society of Film Critics Awards.

PGA nominations.

WGA nominations.

DGA nominations.

Nice of CBC to put all their top 10 lists in one place.

Dana Stevens' Top 10.

Stephanie Zacharek's Top 10.

Vulture's Critics' Poll Ballots and Results.

The best of the AV Club.

TWoP's most disappointing movies of the year, favourite movies of the year, and most hated movies.

MOVIE CLUB! Yes, I was yelling. I loves me some Movie Club.

"What you see are the things in its path -- objects and particles and dust --, and you see them because they reflect the light."

Want to reflect on the year that was in cinema? Let me help you out with my list of things to remember in my latest Culture article.

Over in the advice column, Miss Smartypants tackles Twilight Moms, Canadian spelling, and job opportunities. Keep sending your questions to advice@culturemagazine.ca.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008)

Story: Nick (Michael Cera) is taking his breakup with Tris (Alexis Dziena) badly, but he agrees to play that night anyway. Norah (Kat Dennings)'s first stop on her quest to find Where's Fluffy, a mythic band that almost never plays, just happens to be Nick's band's show. When his bandmates (Aaron Yoo and Rafi Gavron) spy a romantic opportunity, they agree to take Norah's drunk best friend (Ari Graynor) home in order to force Nick and Norah together.

Accidental hiatus over!

While this movie a minor entry in the Into the Night/One Crazy Night canon, it's not without it's delights. I haven't hit Cera backlash yet (hopefully I never will), although I think I might be getting to the point of being over him. As lovely, funny, and sweet as that kid is, I'm sort of in love with Dennings now, and he's just going to deal with it. Although I did cheer in my head when I saw he got above the title billing. Good for him!

Mostly I am in love with how she has curves and hopes she keeps them and would really like her to tell me what lipstick she is wearing in this movie, but I also love how she's hit this sweet spot where she's an authentic teenager in her actions and speech. Even the running bit of Norah explaining her jokes that weren't funny in the first place, while it fell flat, was believable.

Otherwise, the supporting cast keeps the movie humming along even when the scenes between the leads drag, and there are a lot of unexpected cameos that pop up to distract the audience.

Unfortunately, Lorene Scafaria's screenplay, based on Rachel Cohn and David Levithan's novel, falls prey to a lot of rom-com trappings, notably demonizing the other romantic interests of main characters so that there's never any doubt about who we rooting for. I liked Dziena in Broken Flowers, and I think I've made my feelings about Jay Baruchel quite clear in recent weeks (love!), and they are playing these complete dirtbags. It's a nice stretch for Baruchel and takes wonderful advantage of the nasal quality of his voice (although it also made me wonder is being a Chipster is not the sole providence of WASPs, as previously thought), but a better movie would either exclude these characters so that we never really get a sense of them or make them people would could like, just not with Nick and Norah.

Ah, well. B-

Pop Culture Round Up: August 23 - 29

Kitties need to rock, too.

It claims it was published on the 21st, but I am certain I have read this somewhere before.

Everyone wants Jay Baruchel now, too. Well, everyone except 24 Heures Montréal. They saw some "Ray Baruchel" kid in Tropic Thunder.*

Hey, remember when Italian cinema was experiencing a Renaissance that we didn't know it needed? Now we apparently need to worry if it will last.

Ha! I can't wait to see how crazy hateful this might turn out.

And equally funny (fake) Sorkin news.

WTF, Sara? The Women, Ghost Town, and Lakeview Terrace all look fucking terrible.

This was not as exciting as I wanted it to be. Dan's with some new chick? Whatever.

"You will note: there is a rampant high tide of colonisation." I have noticed that, actually!

Lamenting silence.

I originally misinterpreted this subtitle to mean convention as in rule or method instead of convention as in meeting, so I was like, "What, using parliamentary rules of debate?"

Why does Orlando Bloom feature so heavily in this trailer? Is there a person alive who associates him with that city in particular?

I did think that this rumour might be "totally awesome," for about half a second.

Sadly, none of these are Ms. Hauser, Veronica's angry, theiving, racist Health teacher. Or Professor Landry, her adulterous, murderous criminology professor. Or Mr. Rook, her molesting Ancient History teacher. Wow, there weren't a lot of good teachers on that show.

Funny, recent Woody Allen.

Gear up for fall with NY Mag's Fall Movie Preview.

OMG, this is totally true.

Find out what made the cut as "the scariest disaster movie of the decade." Hint: it's got polar bears!

Cattle and deer have a sixth sense! Beware!

Having read the AV Club's Fall TV Preview, I can safely name of number of new shows I plan to check out: 3. And I'm expecting two of those to suck.

Jennie and Shannen hate the new 90210? Check it out for yourself. They kind of do.

That's all great and good if you live in the US. When will Hulu be available here?

I'm pretty sure we're just stuck on anyone who can successfully live outside the law.

How mean does it make me to find this ever-so-slightly amusing?

Well, yeah, Kiefer. Also, spoilers!

Bye, Dan! I'll miss you, and I'm sorry I didn't read the Vulture back when you made that video because it is killer.

Rob's Amazing Poem Generator** came up with a Feria Films poem:

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than the studio is
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aunt Patricia Clarkson to watch
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made unless
someone tosses his indie tone poems which
help I love. of a spoiler
heavy interview.

*Print only, apparently. Couldn't seem to find this online.
**This makes me want to generate a poem for pretty much every review now.

Pop Culture Round Up: August 16 - 22

How intense has this week been? This is old, old news. But still, aww! Seriously, though, you'd think it wasn't August with the level of stories worth reading this week.

"Northern Peaks"? Sounds about right.

Is Germany going to help everyone else get their art back? Like these people, maybe?

Criticism in crisis continues - it's not just for print critics anymore!

That's a shame because I would like to see what the brothers Nolan would make of Professor Hugo Strange.

It is strange, but I've always liked number 5. It's Liev Schreiber's (a man born to play Hamlet if there ever was one) possibly-incestuous take on Laertes that really makes it.

Are there people out there that don't want to see Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber face off? Do they have a pulse? What? I like Liev Schreiber!

Aw, matchmaker! Now there's someone whose life I wonder about.

"Elitism? Of course it is. But then, the love of books is surely a minority sport, isn't it?" Is it? I didn't think it was that hard.

"Parse for me, please, the distinction between 'sexual material' and 'sexual content.'" Heh. The MPAA's a broad target, but they're worth the effort to take aim.

Are you sure it's unfair competition, Brian? Maybe it's poor quality.

I, sadly, do not posses a killer instinct. Well, at least not one of a sociopath.

I'm all about these kinds of programs. It's important to make sure indigenous cultures don't die out.

Hee! John Cusack can't fact check, apparently.

I'm going to watch all of these.

You know, this is true. Sad, but true. Still, there are plots that I would like to see wrap up, and I miss Logan in a big way. Why has no one snapped him up for a plum role yet?

Wrong. If you want to know if something is age appropriate for your kid, read it yourself first. There remains no substitute for parenting.

Ha! "The man has really got some serious beard on him."

"Jay Baruchel as a high-maintenance mustached porn actor with performance anxiety." One can dream!

Hurrah! Just the other day I was watching the first one and running around going, "I always thought it would be Clemenza."

A-ha! Good thing smoking always equaled evil and death on Buffy then.

Give your friends faux tattoos. They even ripple!

Mourn Manny Farber by reading what's probably his most famous essay, "White Elephant Art vs. Termite Art."

Then again, maybe we are really August bored. Daily Intel gets into it with the Observer over Ed Westwick's face. Can't we all just agree that he's maybe a (sexy) vampire?

Tropic Thunder (2008)

Premise: First time director Damien Cockburn (the peerless Steven Coogan) can't control his diva cast of action star Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), award winner Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey, Jr.), and comedian Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black), so Four Leaf Tayback (a never funnier Nick Nolte), author of the book Tropic Thunder, convinces him to put his stars and two supporting players, rapper mogul Alpa Chino (Brandon T. Jackson) and bit player Kevin Sandusky (Jay Baruchel), out in the jungle to shoot the movie guerrilla style. Things go south pretty quickly.

It's a Jack Black double bill!

Oh, co-writer-director-producer-star Stiller, how do we get you to make more movies like this? Stop making sequels to those not-particularly-funny-in-the-first-place Focker movies, and just make more movies exactly as outrageous as this one. Mind you, seven years have lapsed between this and the highly quotable Zoolander. Allow me to revise: if it takes another seven years to get a parody of this quality, one that is this smart, silly, and fun, we'll wait.

Yes, parody. Don't bother calling it a satire 'cause it's not a satire. Satires have bite, and this movie only has bite if you are a) Russell Crowe or b) Tom Cruise, and he is obviously not bothered by it. And, while we're here, let's get this out of the way: Is it offensive? No. I'm not a member of a group that would be offended by it, but let me explain. The Simple Jack stuff is representative of a certain kind of Oscar-baiting and within the movie it is meant to be offensive, which is why it shouldn't be considered offensive outside the movie. The fact that Tugg made Simple Jack is supposed to make him look bad, so pointing to it outside the movie and saying, "That looks bad" is redundant.

As for the blackface, same deal. It's suppose to highlight that doing this sort of thing is stupid and offensive, so saying, "Hey! That's stupid and offensive!" accomplishes the same goal. Besides, Downey is doing the most hilarious parody of Method-actors like Russell Crowe (with a touch of Adrian Brody thrown in for good measure) ever. The throw away clip of Lazarus on Inside the Actors Studio is worth the price of admission alone. Downey's trademark multi-current emotional acting is suspended in favour of a more deadpan delivery, but I think we can live with it. It's worth it to see Downey and Stiller try to out crazy each other with Black's manic energy surging in the background.

Let's move on to what's really important here: When did Baruchel get so adorable? He was always adorable (nervous about grabbing the hydro wires on PMK? Adorable! Punching Lloyd in the ear 'cause he doesn't know how to fight? Adorable!), but now he's super adorable, like, boyfriend adorable. When did this happen? Maybe it helps that of the five, he's the audience surrogate. Okay, his fantastic comedic timing helps, too.

Fine, I'll tell you what you really want to know: will Tom Cruise's cameo save his career? Probably not (there a moments when he's a little too scarily committed), but it should because it is hands down the funniest thing he has ever done. It's a shame he never had the chance to be on Extras. And to those in the theatre who gasped when his name was revealed in the credits (yeah, I heard you): are you best friends with Anthony Lane? Not only does Tom Cruise still resemble Tom Cruise, but he also sounds like Tom Cruise. He has a very distinctive voice.

The details are what makes this one near-constantly hilarious from the three fake trailers that precede the movie (I would so see Satan's Alley*) to the exposition via Maria Menounos to Tyra Banks. Co-writers Stiller, Justin Theroux, and Etan Cohen have an excellent ear and eye for fitting in the visual references and double speak that makes this inside-Hollywood picture nothing short of a treat. A-

*When did Tobey Maguire start looking like Wentworth Miller, though? Well, like Michael Scofield?

Knocked Up (2007)

Premise: Alison Scott (Katherine Heigl) is promoted at E!, and she heads out for the night with her sister, Debbie (Leslie Mann), to celebrate. Alison meets cute with Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) while he is out with his stoner roomies (Jason Segel, Jay Baruchel, Jonah Hill, and Martin Starr). Eight weeks later, Alison is preggers.

Hurrah! I have returned from my little hiatus refreshed and ready to review. Miss me no longer, gentle reader. I'm back.

Naturally, I'm back with some sweet Judd Apatow (writer/director here) action. Yes, people, naturally. I have a love for M. Apatow that knows no bounds. F&G rocked, I own Undeclared, and I spent weeks begging my friends to go see The 40-Year-Old Virgin with me. He's the main delivery service for an addiction known as Seth Rogen (Ken! Ron!).

First of all, he's cute. Secondly, and most importantly, he's funny. He's wonderfully sarcastic, and he obviously can see the humour in a lot of different things, like the first time you get sick away from home. All in all, Rogen made a great TV boyfriend, and it seems he is on his way to make a great movie boyfriend.

Oh, Heigl, they really made Izzie reprehensible this season, no? It's too bad 'cause Izzie was my favourite intern. Of course, no matter what ridiculous speech the writers throw at you, you carry it off with aplomb, as you are far, far more talented than they seem to realize. You are also a delight here with deft comedic timing and a winsome screen presence. You know, in addition to being really hot. Hope there's more big screen roles in your future, as I am about ready to abandon the show you currently call home.

Much like with the outlandish Virgin premise, Apatow succeeds in taking something that, by all
rights, is creepy and icky and turning it into something hilarious and sweet. Carrell's subtle performance did it for the first, and Rogen and Heigl's budding relationship, contrasted with Debbie and Pete (Paul Rudd)'s marital strife, does it for the second. It's too bad about the way that the abortion discussion gets the bum's rush, but, in a movie whose premise is so clearly stated in the title, what do you really expect?

Anyway, must be time to go read what Dana Stevens says they got wrong about women. I'm sure I'll be incensed when I am finished. Until then, I remain enraptured. A-

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Premise: Frankie Dunn (Clint Eastwood) is a trainer and gym owner. He's one of the best trainers in the biz, but he protects his fighters away from the title match. Scrap (Morgan Freeman), his long-suffering best friend and a former boxer himself, helps Frankie run the gym. Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank) shows up one day begging to be trained, and, while Frankie refuses (he doesn't train girls), Scrap sees something in her and sticks it out until Frankie comes around.

I really don't want to give too much away, but it's hard not to write one lengthy plot description for this one.

You know why? Because it's a plot driven movie. Even more than that, though, it's a character driven movie. Developing characters is the most important thing in Paul Haggis' screenplay. He never lets you down with any of them - never relying on clichés or plot contrivances to get you through. But what a plot it is. I'm very nervous about giving a single aspect of it away, and, as much as I'll try not to, I warn you now that something might slip.

Remember when I said that Eastwood should direct everything? I wasn't wrong. If anyone looks back to when the septuagenarian was on Rawhide or making spaghetti westerns, no one could say that they saw him coming. Yet here he is. Eastwood tells his stories simply, with beautifully framed shots and the best use of lighting I've seen in a really long time. He takes time to develop his characters, along with the brilliant screenplay, always pacing himself, always pacing his audience for the best natural reaction.

I think that's what he's really concerned with. In a movie about how unnatural boxing really is, Eastwood tells a story about the natural bonds that develop between different people without the faintest whiff of sexuality.

And his score. His elegant, bare bones score will be the death of me. There's this part in the beginning of the second act where an envelope goes in a box. There is no dialogue, and I was in absolute tears. Hot pricking tears, and, in my head I started saying, "I'm sorry, Clint Eastwood." I don't know why, except maybe because I knew he intended to break my heart, and I thought I could maybe apologize my way out of it.

If you don't already know the end of this movie, stay that way until you see it. I will tell you, though, that there's a single shot in the top of the third act with Scrap and Maggie, and I swear he gives it all away right then. Eastwood always struck me as one to breast his cards, but he allows you a tiny peek right at that moment. I tell you, I started to cry then, and I didn't stop until after the credits had rolled.

Of course, by then the hot stinging tears were gone and replaced by cooler ones than ran down my cheeks, and I refused to wipe away. At that point I felt resigned to my fate.

Somehow, magically, despite my crying, by the time I walked out of the movie theatre I had the biggest grin on my face, and nothing could take it away. I felt peaceful and driven and lifted. I don't know if God will speak to you through this film, but I think it's worth your money to find out. In fact, I think it's worth your money anyway.

Swank does her best impersonation of a great actress here. She's as plucky and quietly sad as the script requires but no more. I've yet to be sold on her as an actress (I could never bring myself to see Boys Don't Cry), but I know she's smart enough to make something worthwhile out of herself. Maggie was 31 when the movie started and much too old to be starting out as a fighter. I knew that Swank understood exactly how Maggie felt in that situation, and I believe she's the only actress who could bring that to the role.

Freeman serves as much as the movie's emotional core as he does as its narrator. It's astonishing to see how much he and Eastwood have aged since Unforgiven, but Freeman never stops giving. That's his true talent. And he's got a great voice for narration.

As an added bonus, my immense pleasure in seeing this film was doubled when Jay Baruchel appeared on screen. I love Baruchel! He should assuredly be in many more things, and I know he was dutifully pleased to be given this chance.

Another solid movie that is easily one of last year's best, and better, for going back to a kind of filmmaking long forgotten. A+

P.S. Rideau Famous Players had the gall to close the curtains before the credits stopped rolling and then turn them off before they were done. Annoyed.